His Broken Heart

That's What I Did

Hey guys, sorry for the late update. I've been super busy. Here's the newest chapter, there's one more chapter for part one then we'll move on to part two.

Chapter 3:

~four weeks later~

Alec's POV.

It's been weeks since I first found Magnus and since then he's figured out that we're in limbo, sort of in-between life and death. We've also found out that here we don't get hungry or tired. Magnus told me we are pretty much dead but I try to be optimistic and look on the bright side, at least we aren't hungry. After I told Magnus that I want to try our relationship again I thought I would have felt happy but now I'm not so sure. I know I love him, that's without a doubt, but I don't know. I just have a feeling in my heart. I can't lose him, he's my everything. I realize in that moment that without Magnus, there is no Alec. I can't be whole without my other half, the second half of my every being, the man that makes me feel happy and worth something, that I mean something.

I gasp to myself, eyes wide. I feel cold all over with an icy realization. I realize Magnus is my reason for living. I look at him, slightly scared. Does he know the power he has over me? Would he ever use it against me? Make me his slave, bending my very thoughts to his all powerful will? And how I would lie myself down without a second thought to my well-being? I know him, or thought I did, I think bitterly, he won't tell me anything. But he promised to, my head echoes back to me. Thinking about that night in the subway station, I tear up. He let me give him no explanation but here I am ready to lie myself down at his feet. My parents were right, I am useless and worthless. I cringe at my own worthlessness, how it shames me. My own thoughts turn against me.

I turn my head slightly to look at Magnus. He's deep in thought as well but about what? How easy it was for me to jump at the opportunity to be loved by him again? He's probably laughing right now at how easy it was for him to win me back. His shadowhunter pet, doing whatever he wants, whenever. Playing his games and doing his tricks. By the end of my rant I am seeing red, I am so mad... but then he died for me. I frown, his smile, his laugh, the way he holds me, how he comforts me when I'm sad. I love Magnus even if I don't want to. I'm hopelessly, madly, deeply, terribly in love with him.

Magnus' POV.

I sigh deeply. Poor Alec, he looks so sad  and so heartbroken. I can't take it anymore.

"Alec, are you okay?" I look at him and he forces a small smile.

"Yeah sure, I'm good. I just want to get home, ya know?" He looks at the ground. We've been walking around this endless nothingness for weeks trying to find something, anything, to help us get home but we haven't found anything.

I don't want to say anything to my beautiful Alexander but I'm worried that we'll never get out of limbo. But I can't think on things like that, it will make me even more hopeless.

"Yeah, I know how you feel Alec but don't worry. We'll get out of here, we're almost there," I say, trying to make him feel better. I thought that if maybe I say it aloud enough times, I will maybe, hopefully convince myself that we just might make it.

Alec smiles and I know that whatever happens, we'll be just fine.

Alec's POV.

I feel like screaming. He doesn't need to pretend like I am some child that needs his protection, how dare he?! He has no right. I am an adult capable of making my own decisions but he still treats me like I'm still a child.

"Alec!" I hear Magnus scream then all I see is a never-ending blackness. The void scares me, it is so... quiet. Like I have dropped into a blackhole. Where is Magnus? I heard him just a second ago... I start to get nervous. What if I stay here forever? I just got Magnus back, what if I never get out?

~two ½ weeks earlier~

Alec's POV.

I lie in my bed, looking at the roof. My heart is beyond broken. Magnus; my love, my life, doesn't love me anymore and it's all my fault. He hates me and I deserve every second of it. I'm a horrible person, a worthless shadowhunter and an even worse son. My parents have every right not to love me anymore.

I look at my bathroom. I sniffle and get up, going into my bathroom and opening the door. I walk in and silently shut it then I lock it. I get on my knees and grab my blades out from under my sink. I hold them above my wrists, tears drip down my face and onto the icy floor.

I slide the cold steel across my wrist. One, two, three, four, five times. My vision is foggy. I get up and there's a puddle of blood under each arm. I wrap my arms up and clean the blood off the bathroom floor. I change into a sweatshirt and pass out on my bed, glad that I'll be able to sleep finally.

~three weeks earlier~

Alec POV.

I haven't slept since me and Magnus broke up, missing his warmth next to me, his body meshing perfectly with mine, his warm breath on my neck, letting me know he's right there and he still loves me. My tears slip down my pale cheeks onto the pillow. I know I am ugly with my ribs showing and my skeleton like body but every time I go to eat I just feel sick.

Every time I lie my head down to sleep I hear his voice. I hear, "I love you but it doesn't change anything," or I hear, "you're not worth it, you should die. It would make your family happier, you aren't worth anything. You should have died with your brother, you are a worthless shadowhunter. How dare you call yourself angel-blooded, you should just die."

So That's What I Did.