Bracelets, Beer, & Moonlight (COMPLETED)

B. Confusion

Still Arthit's POV:

One o'clock morphed into two and then three. The time trickled by, marked only by those changing glowing numerals on my phone screen. If it wasn't for my everlasting drumming of my heart, I would have sworn that I had been attacked with a sudden rush of insomnia. The bed sheets were twisted around my body from my tossing and constant turning. All I really wanted was to get some rest. But with that cacophony, it seemed almost impossible. No matter how many times I flung myself around the bed entwining myself in ropes of blankets, how many times I desperately pressed the pillow over my head, how many sheep, dogs, cats, birds I counted; sleep would not come.

And now I tightly closed my eyes as I wait the bus to depart, desperately asking for some rest from my heart. My eyes automatically opened under the pressure of being observed. I flinched when I saw who it was, the faculty moon himself, looking straight back at me. I couldn't help but avert his eyes. My heart was not at ease at all upon seeing Kongpob sitting next to May, I really wondered how many times I secretly peeked at him talking and smiling at the girl next to him. After that Kongpob sat next to me and I swear that on the spot I swore at Bright in my heart for ditching me. I couldn't sleep again because of a certain guy who kept on messing my peaceful life. His kindness burned me completely when he presented the pink milk to me. How can he be so kind? Be kind to the one you love...wait I think he likes me...I'm not a girl, be kind to a girl! Why are you doing this to me?! My heart is finding it too much to bear and here you are with your most handsome smile, you make me melt over and over again. I'm not in love with you.

And I did it. I slept on his shoulder. I opened my eyes with disbelief. How could I lower my guard so carelessly? Damn it.

"Wait"

What am I doing?

"Nothing. Thank you for helping." Was what I could reply

"Wait..."

Again. Stop hesitating and tell him I shouted multiple times in my head. I squeezed the gear in my pocket. I had to reject him. Why couldn't I remove my hand from that large pocket? It felt like it was blocked by something. This is not love. I don't like him. I can't like him.

~~

Saturday came quick and I couldn't decide which clothes to wear. I stood thoughtfully in front of my closet for more than thirty minutes but ended up choosing a simple black T-shirt. It was not a date right? I mean it's just two guys going out to buy a present. I learned few things on Kongpob and it made me feel more close to him now. I met Namtarn. That's where your words came in like thousands of sharp pieces flying to my heart. "Do you like her?" It resounded in my heart so violently that it left me dumbfounded for some second. I didn't know why but I told him everything that I really think; like trying to justify myself to Kongpob. It was true that I was in love with Namtarn. But why do I feel that my heart has never beaten so fast when I was in love with her, that it does now when I am with Kongpob. Yet it is only a heart, human and frail. How can this be so? I can only assume that it is love that makes my heart so strong. Love? For whom? My parents? My friends? My first love? My junior? I don't want to cross that boundary to say that my heart was pounding for my junior, none less a guy. It can't be true. I don't love him. Maybe it was just an overreaction to his kindness or his overly handsome smile, but nothing more.

What do you understand?! There was something that made me attracted to Namtarn but why does it not feel the same now? I didn't feel anything when I saw her. I was actually more frightened to what will Kongpob think of me. Please stop making me have hope that you like me too....wait I don't like him...I do...but as a junior, right? Nothing more....I don't even understand why my heart would pound so frantically in my chest. I ended up grabbing any card that I could and ran away.