Beaten

6

I walked shyly up to the table, Hoseok saw me and smiled so brightly I thought I was blind for a second. I sat down next to Taehyung, Hoseok started to pout, "why didn't you want to come to lunch with us when I asked?" He said, pouting. "I guess he likes me better," Taehyung says smugly. I laugh, it wasn't real laugh though, it was fake, like my smile, like my very school appearance. "Aww, why don't you like me?" Hoseok says, still pouting, "no one said he DOESN'T like you, he just likes me MORE," Taehyung says jokingly. 

Hoseok crosses his arms and looks away, until Namjoon comes around and flicks him in the ear, "oi!" Hoseok yelps, holding his ear. Yoongi starts dying on the other side of the table with laughter. "That's what you get bitch," Yoongi laughs. I smile, yet another fake smile, and laugh another fake laugh. Seokjin sits down next to Namjoon across from me, "why hello Jungkook, didn't see you at practice this morning," Seokjin says. I just shrug, what was I supposed to tell him? 'Yeah, last night I cut open my wrists and made myself threw up until I passed out on my bathroom tiles, covered in my own blood wishing I was dead. So I didn't really feel like sitting out in the cold.'

They continue to eat lunch, "aren't you going to eat anything Jungkook?" Taehyung asks, "I don't eat lunch," I say "you don't eat, because your a fat ass," the little voice in my head taunts. I was happy it was loud in the lunch room and no one could hear my stomach growl in hunger. I continue to fake smile, fake laugh and pretend I'm having a good time.

Lies.

Namjoon and I had the same class next so I walk with him, Namjoon talks to me, I just listen, lunch had worn me out. I hear my phone ping, Namjoon looks at me and smiles, "who's it from?" He asks, curious. I pull my phone out my pocket.

Dad

Look you little shit, your mother and I are going out tonight. Going to try to win back the years you selfishly took away from us.

I sigh, and another message comes through. 

Dad

Touch fucking anything and your a dead little shit, sleep on the street if you must, I want the house to be how it was when I left it, okay shit?

Namjoon was still looking at me as I turn off my phone and put it back in pocket, "it's just my Dad," I say to him and we continue to walk to class. "I wish my Dad checked on me during the day," Namjoon sighs. "I wish my Dad didn't," I say quietly. If only he knew what the messages said, I don't think he would still want his Dad to check on him if he saw the messages. We get to class and sit down, Namjoon goes off and talks with some other people. "Ha, look at you, your such a fucking looser, I told you, no one loves you, they don't care about you. Why are you even hanging out with them? They obviously only asked you to sit them because they pity you. You couldn't even eat with them because your such a fucking fat ass," the little voice taunts.

I sit through the whole class, looking, taking the notes, I looked like your typical student in a classroom, except I wasn't. I wish I was; at least I had something to look forward to this afternoon, no Dad. My teacher puts a hand out sheet on my desk, I quickly fill it out, it was all easy work. I put my arms on the desk and rest my head on them, I look to the side but my wrist bone keeps digging into my ear. The bell finally rings after an eternity, letting me leave the hell hole I call school. I pack my bags and walk out the classroom, unaware of someone calling my name as I leave. I put my things back in my locker and grab out the books I need. 

When I turn I see Taehyung standing at the side of my locker, I jump. "Jesus," I put my hand to my chest. "That was kinda cute, I gotta admit," Taehyung giggles. I giggle with him, "so practice was canceled today, do you wanna go somewhere?" Taehyung offers. I open my mouth but shut it again, looking up to the sky, "ask him where would like to go!" A different little voice in my head says, it was so faint but filled with love,  but it was all shaken away when I'm pulled back into the conversation. "Don't worry, I have a place in mind," Taehyung says, "sure," I say quietly, looking down at the floor. Taehyung smiles brightly, making me smile weakly. 

We start walking out the school grounds, "are you sure? Don't you want to be with your other friends or something?" I ask. Taehyung rolls his eyes and smiles at me, throwing an arm around my fragile shoulders. "I wanna hang out with you, get to know the strange Jungkook who appeared at my school one day." I smile and look down, but not a fake smile, a real smile, Taehyung left me with a warm fuzzy feeling. 

We walk past my house, "hey this is your house right?" Taehyung asks, I look at the house, so innocent from the outside, if only people knew what happened on the inside. "Yeah," I reply, "that's a nice house," Taehyung says without thinking. "Can we look inside?" Taehyung offers, I remember how I trashed my room, left the bloody piece of metal in the middle of the room, yesterday's content still sitting in the toilet. "M-my room's really messy," I say quietly, "that's fine, I wouldn't let any of the friends I have come over at first because my room was really messy too," Taehyung says. I felt relived that he didn't keep asking. "Let's go to the park," Taehyung says, and we start walking.