Beaten

11

I dream of the day I can wake up at eight o clock, with out being scared of being beaten. I dream of the day I can finally look at the mirror and see no scars, scratches or bruises. I dream I can see my body and smile. I dream that one day my father will come home from works and pray to the fucking lord just because he had such a lovely family. I dream of the day when I can see my mother smile again. I dream of those days...

I wake up, everything was hazy, yesterday was a blur, only being able to remember parts. I look around, I was in my own room, in my own house. My room a complete mess, blood stained floors, my sleepover bag torn open and clothes thrown all over the floor. I could remember crying, I could remember Taehyung giving me his graphic tee. I could remember coming home, terrified of what awaited me behind the door. My father's face had so much anger and rage screwed up on it I felt like I was being beaten just by looking at it. 

Blood was all over the table, blood was on the floor, blood dripped down my shirt as I ran upstairs, blood still dripped at I tried to stop my father from opening the door, while I cry so hard it hurt. Being thrown back by my father's force when he opened the door. He open my bag, he beat me until I couldn't feel anything. I had gotten up, slammed the door, screamed, cut, threw up, cut, cried. 

I look around, there was a rope hanging from my fan, very badly tied and a chair underneath it, tears started to prick my eyes, the suicide attempt vividly played in my head. After screaming, crying, cutting I felt so worthless that I went looking for a rope, getting whipped with the belt a few times by my father for going out my room. I yelled at him, I was beaten again, only to run off to my room, rope in hand. I was shaking, writing about ten suicide notes before badly tying the rope due to my shaking. I brought up the chair, but as I was about to hang myself, I collapsed, falling on the floor, crying hysterically before just going to bed. 

I couldn't remember how I got home or how the sleepover ended, I only knew the amount of pain I was in. I groaned as I threw my legs over the side of the bed, trying to stand was so much worse than I thought. I cried out and fell down, onto the floor, my tears started to blur my vision, I wipe my eyes and try to stand up again, holding onto my bedside table as I limp to the bathroom, stepping over Taehyung's graphic tee. "So you've got some fucking friends? You stole this shirt from them didn't you? If I see this again I'm going to beat you twice as hard, so just give it back you thieving bitch!" My father's words ring in my head. 

I stepped in front of the mirror, almost scared to see what I looked like. I had a busted lip, bruises on my face along with scratches and the clear hand marks of where my father chocked me. I take off my shirt and fall back a bit at what I saw, bruises everywhere, I turned so I could see back, big red scratches marked it, marked me. Black and blue bruises covered my arms along with my own cutting, my legs didn't look much different. I step back until my back met the cold tile wall, and then I slid down until I met the floor and cried. 

I cried until I heard my phone buzz, I look up and use the wall to help me get up, limping out the bathroom and to my bedside table, picking it up.

TaeTae

Hey, it's TaeTae, I put my number and everyone else's number in your phone yesterday

I look at the text, then I remember is graphic tee, I unlock my phone. 

Hey, I have your tee

I gave it to you yesterday, it doesn't really fit me anymore

Oh, okay

You wanna hang out today?

I looked down at my bare chest, then back at my phone, how would I be able to explain my limp and bruises? I didn't exactly have anything to cover up the very obvious hand marks around my neck. 

Nah, I gotta help out with some stuff

Aww :C

Maybe next time

But everyone wants to see you again

I really can't go tho :C

When will you be finished?

Idk

I guess we'll have to settle with next time

Have a nice day with everyone anyway

Yeah, you have a nice day with your chores ;)

I could only sigh, I wouldn't be doing chores, I would be spending the day locked in my room, hoping, praying that my father won't come to beat me and if he does he at least takes pity on me. I would be spending the day dreaming of how nice it would be to have a family like Taehyung, Hoseok, Yoongi, Namjoon, Seokjin or Jimin, a family where your father wouldn't beat you, a family where you were all happy. I've spent so much of my life dreaming I wonder why I still wake up every morning.