Eternal Love: Jawan Harris Love Story [EDITING]

Insecurities.

Chapter 10 ♡

"You're beatiful inside and out... don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

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Today, J and I were out in Alabama for his first show. We were at the arena and Jawan was doing sound check before the show. I sat and watched him the whole time, and while I was watching him I was going through my mentions on twitter and teared up seeing the hate messages. I wiped my face quickly before Jawan saw and put my phone back in my purse. 

When Jawan was done, he gave me a tight hug. "Hey boo, did you like it?" I nodded.

"Yeah, I loved it." I was looking down still thinking about the stuff on twitter. "Baby what's bugging you?" he lifted my chin softly.

"Nothing..." I mumbled. "Something's wrong baby, and I need to know what it is." He looked deep into my eyes. "Nothing's wrong." I was looking back into his eyes, and it took everything in me to lie to him with him looking at me like that. "I know you well, stop fronting." I sighed. "Fine...I still get the death threats, and they've been getting worse. I'm still scared."

He looked frustrated. "I can't believe people would still send you those. Ignore 'em boo."  "I try to, but some I just can't." I looked down and teared up a little. "They hurt baby, I get so much I'm starting to believe what they say." I started crying. "I don't feel beautiful anymore baby, I don't feel like myself..."

My voice was cracking and Jawan was standing there in disbelief. "Sweetheart, in my world you're the most beautiful girl I've ever met. Don't let anyone tell you anything but." I shook my head. "You don't understand, you telling me I'm beautiful isn't enough. I don't feel like I am anymore. I don't feel good enough anymore."

I was crying my eyes out at this point, and Jawan hugged me tightly. "Okay okay, we'll make things better. I need you to stay strong." he kissed my forehead and kissed me passionately. "I love you, and I know you're a strong person. Stay strong for me." he whispered to me. I nodded and he hugged me again. "Let's go in the back okay?" he whispered, looking into my eyes. "Okay." Jawan held my hand and lead me to the back.

I went backstage with Jawan and helped him get ready for the show. Jawan told one of is managers to do my hair and makeup to help me feel better. When Jawan was ready he kissed me. "Love you." "Love you too, do well okay?"

"I will, I'll do it for you." He kissed my forehead and ran out on the stage.

I stood backstage and watched him perform. This show was probably one of his best shows he's ever done. He put his complete all into the performance. When he was done he ran off stage and squeezed me tight. "Jay baby you did amazing" I kissed his cheek. "Thanks boo, c'mon let's go to the bus"

We got on the bus and Jawan looked exhausted. I sat down in our bunk and he laid his head in my lap. I was rubbing his cheek and I singing to him. When I was singing to him he started to fall asleep in my lap. "J take a shower before you go to sleep." Jawan slowly got up and made his way into the shower while I waited for him. 

He slipped into the bunk in boxers and a white tank top, 

Jawan and I woke up and we were still on the road. We were the only two on the bus, except for the driver, so we could do whatever we wanted. Jawan and I were in our bunk making out. We were kissing each other, me only in his big t-shirt with no panties or bra underneath, and him in his boxers.

We felt the bus stop suddenly, and his lips parted from mine.

"Babe what was that?" I asked looking into his eyes while he was holding my waist. "I don't know." he held my hand and we got out of the bunk. Jawan put on his basketball shorts, and we walked to the front of the bus and we saw the driver at the hood of the bus through the window. "Stay here." Jawan went out to the front of the bus with the driver and they were talking and I saw Jawan rub the back of his neck and sigh. He came back in the bus.