Music Is My Drug

01

Gaia-Persephone

Screams.
Blood.
Cries.
Horror.

I sat up in bed. My hair was damp with sweat, sticking to my face and neck.

I reached over and turned my bedside light on, my clock said 5:43 am.

Knowing I wasn't going to get back to sleep I pulled out my note book and pen.

As I started writing I could still hear the screams echoing in my head.

I dropped my pen and picked my phone up from my bedside table, my ear phones were tangled together so I unplugged them and let my music play out loud.

Music.
The only thing that calmed me.
I let it fill every inch of my room.
And then I continued to write.

* * * *

My alarm went off at 6:30. I was still awake, writing.

I turned it off and climbed out of bed. I knew it was still dark outside so I didn't bother opening the curtains.

I checked my phone and realised that the battery was low so I plugged it in and headed to the bathroom, my music still playing loudly.

10 minutes later I was changed and drying my hair, the sound of the hair dryer blocking out my music.

That's when it happened. My mind went dark and the sound of screams and cries filled the room.

An image of blood and mangled mental flashed before my eyes. I dropped the hair dryer and covered my eyes.

"GET OUT! GET OUT OF MY HEAD! GET OUT!" I screamed.

The screams drowned out the music and I crumpled to my knees.

My eyes were screwed shut.
My hands were over my ears.
Tears streamed down my face.

"YOU'RE NOT REAL!" I yelled.

In all the confusion, in the tears and the screams I didn't hear the footsteps enter my room or feel the arms wrapping themselves around me.

I soon felt myself being rocked back and forth, the coldness leaving my body and being replaced the with warmth of my foster mother.

She ran her hands through my hair, holding me tight. Soon enough the screams faded away and the sweet sound of violins filled my ears.

"Hey baby are you okay?" She whispered.

I nodded wiping the tears from my cheeks. "Thank you Jessie."

Jessie smiled and kissed my gently on the forehead. "Let your hair dry naturally okay? I'll make you some breakfast- how does pancakes sound?"

I smiled tightly at her. "Great, thanks."

She unwrapped her arms from around me and stood up, leaving the room.

I unplugged my hair dryer and put it on my desk. It wasn't the first time I had freaked out like that. It wouldn't be the last either.

I wiped the tears away from my cheeks and sat in front of my mirror. My hair was half dry, I know it wouldn't take long for it to be completely dry.

My hair was short, resting just above my shoulders, it used to reach my waist and was a light blonde. After everything that happened I dyed it a dark brown and kept a strip of blonde, to remind me of all that I went through. My fringe hung low in my blue eyes, they were my mothers eyes, that's what my grandmother said, she died when I was six.

Everything in my life was one disaster after the next, one death after the other. I've spent half of my life hiding in the dark, shying away from people - detaching myself from the rest of the world.