In the stars

#9 I Hate That I Want You

AANAV'S P. O. V

She threw the glass at me and ran out. I was about to follow her when the glass pieces hit my arm, making it bleed. I stood there when i realized what i had done. I was so mad i didn't see anything other than hurting her. I thought i will leave her like that for just half an hour but when i came back she was being pig headed so that only angered me more. I have never treated anyone like this. But then again i think of sharon and all the nights that she had cried hugging me. I don't feel bad all. Amaya deserves it.

But in my heart i feel bad. The haunted look on her face and the way she was crying came back to me. I felt bad.  I don't know what is happening to me. One minute i am mad at her and the next i feel like she is innocent in all this. I want to be with be her and make her happy.

I stood there contemplating wether i should go after her or not, it's been an hour since she went. No i should not. It's better if she realizes that she means nothing to me. I sat down on the bed but my mind was with her. I want to go after her and make her feel safe. Why i don't know!!!  Why was she affecting me like this. Ughhhhh!! I punched the wall and went out looking for her.

Where is she? i had looked everywhere for her. Oh god what have i done. I was near the reception when pragya came and stood close to me. Ughhh

'aanav what happened to your hand darling? ' she asked and took it in her hand. I looked at my hand there was dried blood and my knuckles were swollen . I freed my hand from her grip.

' I'm not interested pragya!  I am married. So back off. ' i said and walked away. Where could she go?  I was looking around when something caught my eyes. I ran towards the beach as i neared i saw her there she was sleeping. I looked at her and i' ve never been this happy in my life, it's like a rock had been lifted off my heart. What are you doing to me, amaya? 

I lied down beside her and looked at her.

'i don't know what's happening to me. I don't understand what i am feeling. Why did you have to come in my life like this? I just don't understand how you are like this. Why am i feeling like this when i know that it is wrong? That you are not the kind of sweet innocent girl that you make people believe. I just want to hate you. But i am not able to do it, i just can't hate you. But the sad truth is that i need to stop all this. this is wrong i need to finish what i started. I just wish we could have met in some other circumstances' i spoke. I stood up taking her in my arms and walked away.

AMAYA'S P. O. V.

'— i just wish we could have met in some other circumstances. ' i heard him say everything. Then i felt his arms around me and i stiffened at his touch as he carried me inside. I wanted to ask him but i pretended to asleep. But still it does not make sense Whatever he just spoke. I never said i was sweet or innocent. And what feelings? So now he feels for me?  Bullshit! If a person has feelings for you then they won't treat you like the way he has treated me.

No you don't! You also have feelings for him!.

Go away. I can't have feelings for somebody who treat others like this. No i can't have. I won't get tossed around like some toy.

We'll see!

'where were you both? ' reva asked.

' she was feeling better so we went outside and she fell asleep there. ' he replied. How can a person be so cruel and lie so easily without any guilt?  He put me on the bed.

' what did you do to her? ' shrey asked but aanav didn't reply. How could i forget that he is also involved. Oh i thought you knew me shrey. I thought we were good friends.

' i know her aanav. I told you that i don't think she has anything to do with-'

'i just did what she deserved. And i don't want to listen to anything anymore ' aanav said and i heard the door being slammed shut.

I opened my eyes to see him standing there.

' why? ' i asked as he turned to me.

' just tell me why did you marry me forcefully. Why do you hate me?  Why are you doing all this? WHY? ' i screamed. But he turned away and that's when i saw the blood on his arm.

' what happened to your arm? ' i asked and walked over to him.

' nothing! '

' nothing? That's not nothing. Show it to me' i took his hand and scanned through it. He had bruised his knuckles and there were pieces of glass stuck in his wounds on his arm. he snatched his hand away.

'fine! ' i hissed and walked away. Let him be.  Let him die for all i care!  He's a douche and he probably deserves it. But he must be hurting! I can't leave him like this. No what do i care after everything he has done to me.

You are not like him amaya. You are not so cruel.  He is bleeding. You shouldn't leave his like this.

Ughhh fine! 

I went to the washroom took some water in the tumbler and a cloth. Taking the first aid box from the cabinet i scanned through the dates of the medicines. They were new. I took everything to the room.

I saw him lying down on his bed shirtless. His eyes were closed. I took his hand and started cleaning the wound first. I carefully took out the glass and then moved onto his knuckles. As i put the antiseptic on his hand i heard him hissing. I looked up to see him watching me. We stared at each other for awhile but then whatever happened today flashed through my mind. I shook my head and looked away. I quickly finished applying medicine and covered the areas with gauze. I put everything away. Then i took a spare blanket and walked out to the balcony.

'where are you going? ' he asked me but i ignored him.

The balcony had two couches. I laid down on one. I don't want to sleep with him.and then I felt him even before i saw him.

' come inside! ' he ordered.

' no!'

'amaya will you ever do as i say?  Come inside! '

' what do you care aanav!  Just go! I don't want to be anywhere near you!' i said.

'fine! ' he said as he scooped me up in his arms.

' what are you doing?  Are you mad?  You will hurt you arm, aanav. Put me down! ' i struggled in his grip. He put me down on the bed gently covered me with his body. Then lied down, spooning me. I was getting up but he put his arm around my stomach.

' sleep! '

' what? Are you mad? No, Tell me seriously. Do you have some kind of mental problem?' I asked.

'stop fighting woman! ' he said as he pulled me closer to him. My back was literally touching his front. He has lost his mind! I thought but let it go. He was soon asleep so i pulled his hand away from me and got up to leave. In just a second i was flat on the bed and he was half on top of me, wrapping his arm around me.He grumbled something in his sleep. I sighed. I looked at him his head was on my chest and half of my body was covered by him. I don't know what or why but i felt something inside me. Something fluttering deep within me, at the sight of him. Some feeling that i have never felt before.

I know it's wrong but i don't know why it feels so right at the same time. It feels safe in his arms. How can a person who torments me, makes me cry is the only person that i feel safe, content and happy with.  I don't understand him and more so i don't understand myself when i am with him.

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