The Art of Happiness

Sleepless

Tonight's anxiety starring myself and a girl who was my friend. I say was cause I don't know where things stand right now. You see, I was all consumed with my own misery that I neglected to be a friend when she needed me the most. In fact we all neglected her, caught up in our own lives and our own self absorbing crap. If only I'd done things differently.
She was sad, she was quieter yet she continued to laugh and pretend nothing was wrong - now I know she was wearing that mask!! Worrying about everyone else, hiding her own anxieties. Inside she was hurting, she had pain none of could comprehend, pain she couldn't even describe it cut her so deep. Feelings so raw she was desperate to hide them and escape from her reality. She didn't want to look weak or selfish or needy or jealous so she kept it all to herself. We accused her of terrible things, we pushed her away, we spoke behind her back, we excluded her, we assumed the worst. We said mean things cause we were also in pain and licking our own wounds and feeling hurt. It was cruel. Lies, pride, arrogance, secrets, misunderstanding, assumptions, selfishness - these are the curses that damage our relationships. Be honest with each other, listen to understand, be silent, be still, be present, check if they're ok, be trustworthy . Be the friend, you wish you had. Say sorry, give hugs, write a letter, send memes to cheer them up. Reach out and ask them if they're ok. Stand out and stand up and be the one who has compassion and kindness cause you never know when your going to be the one who's drowning and needs to be rescued. I wish I'd done this and valued my friendship more than I did my own wounds. It's in the giving that we receive the most blessings. I miss her smile, I miss the fun we had, I miss her laugh, I miss the joy she brought to my day.
I regret not seeing her pain. I don't know how to fix it. I don't know what to say.