CHEST TO CHEST (BxB)

THE MIDDLE /// midnight

my window slides up, the creaking it makes jerking me awake. "finnigan?" i ask, rubbing my eyes and turning to face the opening.

"i – " he starts, and then his voice cracks into a thousand pieces. i'm out of bed and beside him in seconds, asking him what's wrong, pushing up his sleeves to see if he's scrubbed himself raw again, but i don't see anything.

"what is it?" i ask, grabbing onto his wrists and looking up at him. "babe, what's wrong?" he only shakes his head and slumps into himself.

the resulting sob resonates in me, rattling my chest and then i'm pulling him to me, desperately grabbing onto handfuls of fabric and squeezing him so tight my arms begin to hurt. he reacts slowly, wrapping his arms around me, too, and leaning his cheek down into the crook of my shoulder. every soft word i know falls out of my lips in rapid fire as the sobs shake him, and none of it helps. i rub his back and shoulders and trace his arms and rock us back and forth on our feet, but nothing eases the tears that are pooling from him.

"it's okay," i'm whispering over and over and over again, but nothing feels like it's okay. he's come to my house a tsunami, and i don't know what i'm supposed to do.

there's a soft knock on my door, and jamie's calling my name, and finnigan's saying no, and i don't know what to do.

jamie comes in, and sees us and asks us what's happening and finnigan keeps sobbing, and i don't know what to do i don't know what to do i don't know what to do, i can't let go of finnigan, finnigan won't let go of me, he's hurting so bad i don't know what i can do to help him. and then william says, quietly,

"he's bleeding," and finnigan only pulls me tighter, squeezing my bones my soul my heart my everything.

"you're bleeding?" i ask him and he sobs in my ear.

william touches his shoulder gently, and says, "finnigan, if it's bad you need to go to the hospital," and finnigan is shaking so hard he's almost vibrating.

"no," he wails, and i run my hand down his back.

"baby," i tell him, "if you're bleeding we have to go to the hospital."

but he doesn't let go.

he won't let go. 

*

(update 2/3)