CHEST TO CHEST (BxB)

THE BEGINNING // will you kiss me?

He's holding my hand, just like he always does now and we're lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling. It's almost dark, but neither of us is sleepy yet.

"I'm scared," he whispers suddenly, breaking our silence.

"Of what?" I reply, squeezing his fingers like Jamie does for me.

It takes a very long time for him to reply, so I turn on my side to look at him, only seeing the outline of his face from the light glowing through the window. He's crying. "Finnigan?" I ask, and he lets go of my hand to wipe his eyes.

"I did it again," he says, finally, and pulls his sleeve up to show me the raw, red skin underneath. "I couldn't stop scrubbing."

Gaping, I reach out to touch it, and as soon as I do he flinches. "Does it hurt still?" I ask him, and he nods, sitting up. I follow suit.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," he whispers, and I gesture for his arm again.

"There's nothing wrong with you," I tell him, surveying the damage. Something in my chest aches but I can't name it. "You're just you." He's just Finnigan. My best friend. And he's hurting.

He smiles a watery smile. "Will you kiss me better?" he questions, and a tear falls down his cheek. "Please?"

I nod, happy to help, and pull his arm to my lips, kissing the raw skin. "All better now," I tell him, and pull his sleeve back down.

"Thank you," he whispers.

I reach out to touch his cheek, where it's wet and realize that he's still hurting; my kiss didn't do anything to stop his crying.

"Lee?" he questions, eyes wide.

I'm leaning in without knowing what I'm doing, and I'm pressing my lips to his cheek, right where my hand had just been. "All better now," I whisper and he blinks.

"Lee – I don't – I can't – " he starts, but I shake my head.

"Jamie says it's okay to find boys beautiful," I tell him. "He says it's okay to kiss them." I don't mention penises. I don't want to kiss his penis.

"But you – I – "

"I don't care about your arm," I tell him, knowing what he's getting at. He's scared. "You're still beautiful."

"Do you mean that?" he leans forward into where I can see him clearer. I want to kiss him again.

"Of course." I'll always mean it. He could be cross-eyed and bucktoothed and I'd still think he was beautiful. He's Finnigan Pallot, my best friend.

He reaches out and runs his thumbs over my temples, into my curls. "Will you kiss me again?" he asks, his breath catching.

I lean into his touch and then lean forward, towards his face, towards his lips. "Of course," I repeat, and then I'm kissing him.

"Again," he whispers, and I do it again. And again. And again.

When he finally pulls away, he pulls my body closer, like a hug.

"All better now?" I ask him and he nods, his face buried against the fabric covering my chest.

"Thank you, Lee," he whispers and we fall asleep like that. Together.