Enamour [boyxboy]

Chapter 40 - Confessional

           

Chapter 40

Confessional

•Jake's POV•

America invited me over to hers for a bit, because "we need to talk".

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sweating a little as I parked my car and walked to the front door. I was nervous; for what she was going to say, what she knows.

I also can't help but think about how Ethan had called me last night and hung up on me straight away. It almost broke my heart all over again, and I cried myself to sleep.

I could hear her bustling around the kitchen, with Noah mumbling words, barely getting out "food" but somewhat achieving it. I don't bother ringing the door bell, and instead, I just knock on the door.

"It's open, Sullivan!" I hear America call. I open the door and close it behind me. The kitchen is directly to the right.

"Hey, Jakey," America says, a small smile on her face. She dries her hands on a dish towel and sets it down before wrapping her arms over my shoulders in a brief hug. The microwave beeps then, and she makes her way over to it, pulling out a bowl.

"Hey," I reply to her. I hop on the kitchen island bench, next to where Noah is seated in a baby chair. He smiles at me – no, he grins at me, all gums and the few teeth he has. "Hey, little guy," I grin back at him.

America sets the bowl down on the attached table of Noah's baby chair. It's filled with mushy substances that smell a little bit like banana but not quite. Noah opens his fist and America places a plastic spoon in his hand for him. He smiles when he takes his first spoonful and shovels it into his mouth.

"Down from there," America says, dragging me off the counter by my hand.

"What's up?" I ask.

She slaps me then. Not too hard, but hard enough to leave a red mark and a bit of a sting. My eyes don't water though, thankfully.

"What was that for?" I ask, slightly in shock and disbelief. Noah laughs from his chair at the performance. Though I know why America did it, there's only one reason she'd slap me.

"That was for hurting my Ethan." She seems to regret slapping me though, as if she felt she was obligated to out of friendship.

I don't hesitate when I say, "I never wanted to hurt him. Truly." I pause. "I love him."

It takes extreme effort to not let the tears fill my eyes at this, but there's no stopping that ever-present ache in my chest start to throb harder than before.

America hugs me again then. "I know you do," she says. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to slap you, but I felt like I had to. It's hard to see Ethan so hurt. But-" she sighs "-I understand that I've only heard his story and not yours. I want to hear your story, to understand what's really going on here."

I sigh. I'd only talked to my sister and my parents about what really happened and the whole truth.

So, I tell America everything, from start to finish.

- - - - -

America wipes a few tears from her eyes when I'm done telling her everything.

"Okay, well," she says, gaining her composure again. "Now that I've heard your story, you need to go tell Ethan." I knew she was going to say that. I know it's what I have to do, but I'll be damned if I'm scared of his reaction or of being rejected or not forgiven.

"C'mon, Jake, you know you have to. Sure, you might get rejected, but you might also go back to normal, or as normal as you can get after this. Isn't that worth telling him rather than leaving it like this?"

I nod. She's right. Of course she's right.

"I know, I'll tell him, I just don't when or how. But I'll figure that out."

"Okay, well, sooner than later would be better."

Usually I wouldn't question this, but the tone in her voice and the look on her face makes me curious.

"Why would that be?" I ask, suspicious.

"No reason," she says, walking around the kitchen, busying herself with putting away dishes and tidying the place up.

"America." My tone of voice is harder this time, firmer.

"Fine," she caves, resting against the bench. "But you have to promise to not get mad or do anything irrational or I don't know. Just promise."

"I promise." Though I'm scared of what she's going to say.

"Ethan and Tyler may have ... hooked up ... two nights ago ... but they only made out, nothing too serious."

First, I feel angry. So fucking angry – to the point where I never want to see Ethan again and I want to punch Tyler in the face several times. But then the anger dissipates, evaporates into the air before I have a moment to latch onto those angry feelings. Because I'm hardly one to judge.

The tears surface, despite my effort to suppress them.

"It's okay," I say.

"It's okay?" America questions. "Well, that was a much better reaction than I was expecting."

"Well, it's not okay. I'm not okay. It hurts, a lot. But-" I sigh "-I'm hardly one to judge."

The thought of someone else's lips on Ethan – Tyler's lips at that – fucking kills. The thought that I was his first ever kiss, but that I won't ever be his only anymore. That we've lost that. And it was all my fault. The thought of someone else's hands roaming Ethan's skin breaks my heart.

America walks over to me and hugs me again. "Hang in there," she says. "This isn't the end of Jethan yet."

"Jethan?" I can hardly suppress the laugh that comes out of my mouth.

"Yeah, Jethan. Jake and Ethan? Ya'll are a ship."

I shake my head at her, laughing despite the tears in my eyes.

Jethan.

I wish Jethan was currently going hard, not broken apart like it is.