A CLAY DOLL'S TEAR

Chapter 20

Clay's P.O.V

Pulling my self up, I swing my legs around to sit up right on the sofa. Nyla sits next to me, I then lean forward resting my elbows on my knees. It's so quiet right now you can hear a pin drop. I am not kidding, a damn pin! If you were to drop a pin in the next room, I will hear that shit, it's that silent. I'm to embarrass to look at her so I'm just sitting here rubbing my hands together staring at the floor. I can feel her stare burning holes through the back of my head.

"There is nothing wrong in the way you feel Clay." Nyla begin to speak and it actually makes me feel worse. " I am sure you can tell how I feel about-"

"You don't know me Nyla." I cut her off before she can finish what she is saying. She would never talk like that if

she truly knew me. what kind of person I really am. I am not someone she would want in her life and I don't want that for her either.

I can't force that on her. I just can't.

"I may not know every thing about you Clay but I have seen enough to know the kind of person you are." Nyla shot back confident in what she is saying.

"You think you know me!? You really think you know enough about me Nyla?" I glare at her gruffly clenching my jaw.

Anger slowly creeping up inside me and dismiss any rational thought. I spring to my feet and walk off towards the guest bedroom leaving Nyla genuinely confuse.

I return with my over night bag in hand and drop it on the glass table in front of her. Nyla watch every movement I make with a

puzzle look on her face. I zip the bag open and pull out a black metal piece and slam it on the table.

The sound of the metal hitting the glass table echoes through out the house. Nyla gasp as she flings her hand over her mouth. 

Her eyes widen at the sight of the gun I have just place in front of her. The fear in her eyes broke my heart

but she has to know even if this means it's the last time she would ever allow me to see her again. God knows the fear in me is real right now.

I would have her in a heart beat if I was a different person but am not. She need to know who I am and she need to forget about being with me.

"Do you really think u know enough about me?" Nyla jerk her head up at the sound of my voice.

"Don't you want to know about de woman a killed back in St Kitts? De gang a was associated with? The rival members a helped gun down?"

My voice crack under the strain of the intense thumping of my heart." Tell me non a dat scare you. Tell me you are not shaking in fear of me right now. Tell me Nyla. Tell me dat now you know who a be and what am capable of, dat noting will change and you feel the same about me."

Nyla turned her gaze away from me and I swear she drag my soul out as she did.

A cold shiver slowly run through me, I can no longer stand here. Now that she knows there is no point.

I remove the gun from the table and tuck it into the back of my waist belt throwing my shirt over it.

Giving Nyla one last glance, I grab my bag and walks off towards the door with out a word.

As my fingers wraps tightly around the door knob, Nyla's voice cut through the dead air like a knife, stopping me dead in my tracks.

"I love you." feels like that knife just pierce my heart. My head lowers in disbelief "I don't care about what you did."