Watchers

Chapter 25: You Got a Pretty Mouth, Boy

After the Elimination Challenge, everyone goes back to the mundane things they were doing beforehand. It's alarming how fast they go back to watching movies and making snacks, and a few of them even go outside and swim a few laps in the pool. The atmosphere isn't quite as lighthearted as before, but Daniel is surprised to find that the prevailing emotion in the room is relief.

Sasha seems to be the only one taking the events of the past hour hard - Sasha and, presumably, Melody.

She has put her dress back on, but didn't bother with her shoes or even her underwear, which she left behind in the Elimination Room. She goes over to the couch and slumps down on the nearest cushion as if she doesn't have the energy to take a single step further into the room. The washcloth she'd given to Daniel before the challenge is sitting beside her and she picks it up, running it absentmindedly through her hand.

"Are you okay?" Daniel asks.

Sasha doesn't answer. She doesn't even look at him, and a jolt of anguish twists at his heart. She did a lot for him in the Elimination Room, degrading herself to keep him alive, and how had she been rewarded? By finding out that not too long ago, he had been in bed with the most hated men in America.

He wouldn't be at all surprised to find out that she hates him now, too, but the idea inspires physical pain.

He leaves her on the couch and goes into the kitchen, looking in the refrigerator and cupboards for the first time. They're fully stocked with more food than he's seen in months, and his stomach begins to rumble at the sight of it. He takes lunch meat and cheese from the fridge, bread and potato chips from the pantry, and makes a couple of sandwiches for the two of them. After everything that Sasha did for him in the Elimination Room, the least Daniel can do is make sure she doesn't starve.

He brings the plates into the living room and tries to hand one of them to Sasha, but she won't let go of the washcloth, so he puts it down on the couch cushion beside her and says, "You must be hungry. We haven't eaten since we left the shelter."

She doesn't say anything so he sits down on her other side, plate in his lap.

"I mean, if you don't count the centipedes," he adds, laughing feebly. "And for the record, I don't."

"Please just leave me alone," Sasha says, her voice watery with tears.

"Okay," Daniel says, and the request hurts more than he expected it to. He stands up and says, "But you still need to eat. Keep your strength up."

Then he goes into the kitchen, sitting down at a bar stool on the end of the island, and watches her. She ignores the sandwich entirely and Daniel does his best to take his own advice, choking down his meal even though his appetite has vanished.

It feels like he's known Sasha forever and to be shunned by her is exquisitely painful - more than it should be - but this must just be what happens when you're thrown into a nightmare with a stranger.

Daniel stays at the kitchen island after he finishes his dinner, watching Sasha sit stoically on the couch and watching the rest of the house move around her. It's the first moment he's had to sit quietly and contemplate his situation since he swam up from the drug haze he'd been in when he arrived at the Haven of Salvation, and it's uncomfortable.

He has time to think about the last words he said to his father before he fled Washington. The desperate way that his body began to crave the drugs that numbed him. The accelerating changes of his body since his last shot of testosterone and the unbearable dysmorphia of feeling like his skin is not his own.

The one nice thing about being hurled from one nightmare scenario to the next is that he hasn't had time to think about testosterone, or about opiate addiction, until now.

That's why he feels almost grateful when Meredith's voice floats into the room on hidden speakers, announcing that it's time for bed. She says, "Well, congratulations to all of you for surviving another Elimination Challenge. Rob and I want to assure you that Melody is resting peacefully on her expenses-paid flight to Bora Bora by now, and it's time to turn in for the night. Rest up and prepare for another exciting week, everyone."

Sasha gets up from the couch and Daniel walks hesitantly over to her, not sure if she'll order him away again. She doesn't, allowing him to lead her up the stairs with the rest of the contestants. Daniel watches Taylor and Erica go into the same bedroom - there's no sense in hiding that secret anymore.

Francie nods to Daniel and Sasha's shared room and says, "One of you can take Melody's room. They'll come and update the name tag tonight."

Daniel is about to offer to sleep in the unfamiliar room, but he's thrown off-guard when Sasha pushes him into the room they woke up in. The door swings shut behind them before he has a chance to question her, and he hears the lock click into place.

"You know you're stuck in here all night now, right?" he asks.

"I can't be alone tonight," she answers, beginning to pace back and forth across the small room.

"I thought you were mad at me," Daniel says and she stops, looking him in the eyes for the first time since the challenge ended. Her expression is unmistakable - it says how could you be so shallow?

"I killed a woman today," she says, practically spitting the words at him, and then she resumes pacing.

"No you didn't," Daniel tries to object. "It wasn't your fault."

"I read her secret," she says. "I practically lunged for it."

"You were trying to save me," Daniel says, feeling guilty all over again. "It was her or me."

"And because she's a stranger to us, her life is worth less?" Sasha demands. "She's a person. We're all people, and they're killing us off for entertainment."

"We don't know for sure-"

"Oh, cut the crap!" Sasha shouts, and in that moment, the overhead lights switch off. Sasha freezes and Daniel reaches instinctively for her hand.

There are no windows and the room is pitch black, save for a small sliver of light beneath the door. His eyes adjust slowly until he can make out faint shapes around him - Sasha, the bed, the dresser. He puts his hand out and feels along the wall near the door, but of course there's no light switch.

"I guess that means it's bedtime," he says.

"Yeah," Sasha answers. "Except I don't know how much sleep I'll be getting tonight."

Daniel sighs and wishes he had something comforting to say to her, but they're in a mess for which no comfort can be found. All he can think to offer is, "You can have the bed."

"We'll share it," Sasha says. "There's no use in both of us being miserable."

So they climb into the bed a little clumsily in the darkness, and there's not much room on the narrow, twin-sized mattress. They lay shoulder to shoulder and Daniel listens to Sasha's breathing for a long time, waiting for it to even out to the steady cadence of sleep, but she stays awake, staring at the ceiling. It's impossible to mark the passage of time in the dark, but it feels like hours, days, weeks, and Daniel can't sleep as long as Sasha is awake. He knows she must be torturing herself over what happened to Melody, and he feels helpless.

She rolls over on her side after a while and the mattress begins to shake with her silent sobs. Daniel gets brave and puts his arms around her, holding her tightly, and after a few minutes the shudder of her tears stops and she finally slips into the rhythmic release of sleep.

Daniel follows soon after her, thinking that if the circumstances were different, if they weren't trapped on a murderous reality television show, he would be developing feelings for this girl right about now.