Chapter ten
Climbing out of the cab he is smiling.
"Here." He pushes my phone into my hand. "Got you a charger and put 20 quid credit on. Maybe your friends will be able to contact you now." I feel emotional. He is being kind and look what I've done. Should I tell him? I don't think he'd understand so I thank him and we head off to get some food before checking the rat traps.
It's the worst job so far. I hate checking the traps. Jack tells me there used to be a family dog, Ulysses, it used to see off all the rats. He died of rat poison. No one knows who put the stuff out but they definitely don't allow it on the farm now. I personally think it's a bit late – there's a phrase about horses bolting. I have to get used to checking the traps but I really don't like it, it's a physical revulsion. It's obviously alright if the traps are empty but that makes Jack mad, he sees them as his enemy and not getting trapped means they have won the battle, but the war will go on.
My stomach summersaults. I can hear the damn things scratching at the bars. I peek around the corner like a child. I'm spooked by the fact there are two of them inside. The irony of using humane traps to capture them before dropping them into a barrel of water to kill them is not lost on me. What a horrible way to die.
I stare at them baffled by my capacity to want to continue living after what I've done. I rest my hand on my thighs as I gasp for breath. I care about the death of vermin and yet; my brain suddenly can't contain all the thoughts I have. The sound of an old car starting distracts me and I unfold and rush outside. One, two, three – I'm striding higher up the hill to get a better view; to see without being seen. I mustn't look desperate. He's in the car and she's moving quickly to climb in, no waiting outside now. I want to shout and ask 'why', but I know the answer, it's the same one I would give – 'why not'.
I return to the rats. Using the wire tongs I lift them and feel their weight as they wriggle. The barrel and death await them just outside the door. The cage slips and hits the floor, the door opens and a bewildered rat escapes. I dare not try to catch the fastest one and lose the other. I've already betrayed Jack once today. Instead, I lunge in panic for the cage and slam it shut on the rats head. I'm terrified by my actions and the rat is equally displeased. Its spitting and squealing and I don't want Jack to see me so weak and ineffectual, so unmanlike. I lift the tongs and clamp them down on the cage and stride over to the barrel. Then I plunge the cage into the water.
I press the cage down and watch the water spill over. I've been to Niagara Falls; I never really thought water could be so powerful; just a simple thing, indispensable for life but nothing special. Multiply the volume of water coming from the tap by, I can't remember how many hundreds or thousands of time and you understand its power and majesty. Really everything is all about context.
Fate. This rat was fated to die today and the other was meant to live. That does not make me feel better about what I have done. I wipe the tears from my face with my glove. For the brief time I was with her I felt real. She made me feel real and now I am just a ghost again.
Jack's shouting and I hook the cage with the tongs and lift it out. Tipping out the dead body I want to find something noble and beautiful about the rat but I can't. It's just a dead piece of meat and I try not to think of her father lying quiet on the cobbles. I tip the rats body onto the small pile of dead rats Jack has started to build and I head to the sound of his voice.
The Rat Catcher job is done and I am allowed to rest before I get my evening meal. Her smell still lingers in the room. I switch on the heater and she swirls around me in a scented form. I hope if I close and then open my eyes she will materialise like a genie from the lamp. I open my notebook but I can't concentrate. Thinking makes my brain and body ache with longing.
YOU ARE READING
Forever Changed (Completed first draft for NaNoWriMo 2017)
General Fiction(This is a first draft of a novel written as part of NaNoWriMo throughout November 2017. The content will be added to and extended daily in November) Description: If somebody accidentally killed your husband, would you want him dead? Or as your sla...
