Forever Changed (Completed first draft for NaNoWriMo 2017)

Days twenty-two to twenty-seven - chapters fifteen to eighteen

Chapter fifteen

I wrap my arms around my mattress, my arms are aching but this has to be done. I can't stay in the house now; my job is done. I stagger to the barn like a drunken dancer. Jack helps to carry the bed frame down the stairs and out, through the house. Between us, we put my room back together.

"I'm not moving again." I say as I curl up on my bed. Jack looks around satisfied that everything is as it should be.

"Listen I don't know what crazy idea they've got next."

I interrupt him with shrug and open a book he had bought at my request. I used to be able to disappear, but now I've rediscovered the world I can't concentrate on the words. My ears strain for any sound that could be her returning. What a waste of time and effort, and I can't help it! Maybe this has tipped me over the edge and I'm really losing my mind.

Closing my eyes, I wish I could somehow change what happened to the first Alicia. "If I could turn back time." Things must be bad if I'm singing Cher songs, I smile.

The nights are interminable, each second weighs like a stone around my neck pulling me down and I'm cold, to the core of my bones. I can find no comfort, no warmth. I refuse to put the fire on and mostly refuse to eat. Occasionally, I forget I can't be bothered to eat and find myself chewing. I don't want to be free and I don't want to be a slave; the thing I want I can't have. Jack is right, I did eventually find something that mattered and now they have gone.

The days are full of work, though not enough to keep me busy or make me tired. I take to pretending to sleep and then when there is no one around I go walking. I exit the barn through the small back door away from the automatic light. The moon is big, the sky is wide and speckled with stars and I wonder how we came to exist. I can feel the ridges on my wrist but I don't want to die, not today and maybe not tomorrow, and that's a start, I think.

An unknown car arrives, Jack stops working to check out the new arrival.

"Nice car." He says looking at me and I turn back. I know the car; why is Mrs. Donaldson here? She sashays to the farmhouse front door. I smile. Marie will not like Ava. This woman with the soft top Mercedes, does not understand this world. The countryside is something she drives through; that sounds so familiar, did I once hear her say that or maybe it's just something she should have said.

We get on with our work and set off for our lunch at the designated time. I sit outside and wait for my food. Jack comes out without the basket.

"They want you to come inside." I stand and, as he turns back to the house, I head to the barn, untie my boots and climb into bed.

I hear the tap on the door.

"Hello Ben, can I come in?" I know she's already in and looking for somewhere to sit. "Yeh, so this is crap."

There is a slight drawl. I don't remember her being American.

"I brought your food. They say you're on hunger strike. I told them you're not refusing to eat you just can't be bothered."

She's perching her gloriously taut arse on the end of my bed. The smell of her perfume wafts over and my saliva begins to gather in the corners.

"So you're probably wondering why I'm here?" I turn as she starts laughing. "Come on Ben, I'll get rid of them and we'll have a drink. This is so ridiculous." She stands and heads back to the farmhouse.

Ava knows about people. I remember how she works the room at parties and makes everyone feel welcome, even snotty students pretending to be a sophisticated band with ideas stratospherically above their station. Her husband Joe, a wealthy record producer, seemed like a good guy. My thoughts are twitching and despite everything, she's right, I can't help but wonder why she is here.