Meet Me Halfway

[1] - This is the Afterlife?

This is not how I imagined the afterlife to be.

I blame television for that, especially soap operas.  They're guilty of illustrating the idea that when a person dies, they travel down a dark tunnel toward a big, beautiful white light where peace and eternal rest await.  No matter how violent a death a particular character has suffered, no matter how much they hate leaving their loved ones behind, there is always peace and serenity in that big ball of light, and they always walk through it with acceptance and excitement.

And don't get me started on those "I almost died"-type shows you see on TLC or something.  Some stark crazy person goes rambling on out they walking into "a white light" and how they wanted to stay because it felt "warm" and was full of "love", but then he or she heard some voice telling them to go back, and now they're getting paid a ridiculous appearance fee to tell their story.

And there there's "The Ghost Whisperer"...cue the whooshing "cross over" sound and tears spilling down Jennifer Love Hewitt's beautiful cheeks.

So when I died via missplaced banana peel, I fully expected to find myself in a dark tunnel with a white light beckoning me to walk to it.

Did I get that?

No.  If I did, I wouldn't have spent so much time setting up for disappointment.

I woke up to a dark place - a dark, dingy place that resembled a subway station.  Upon further inspection, I discovered that it was actually was in a subway station underground, swath in a sea of unknown faces.

As I stood up, disoriented, I thought to myself...this was unexpected.  I'm dead.  I know I'm dead.  There is no question of that.  But if I am really dead, then what am I doing in a subway station?

Lucky for me, a voice on a loud speaker answered the question for me.  Welcome Passengers to the Sunshine Coast Line, the preferred mode of travel for deceased travelling to the Hub.  Inbound trains toward the Hub will be departing shortly, and all patrons are to file into the stationary trains at this time. If you have any questions, please feel free to speak with one our customer service representatives.  Thank you for travelling on the Sunshine Coast Line.

You can't make this stuff up.

I blink my eyes, trying to focus on everything around me.  This station is reminds me of Union Station in Chicago - a huge maze of train platforms and bustling commuters travelling within the city and even across the United States.  This place is much more crowded however - everyone is rushing here and there and piling into trains that look like they've come straight out of Europe.

Yes, this is definitely not what I was expecting.

"You!  Hello there!"  It takes a moment for me to realize that I'm being address.  I turn around to this blonde-haired, blue-eyed ball of sunshine smiling at me so hard and so brightly, I have to squint my eyes.  "Welcome to the Sunshine Coast Line Subway!  You seem a bit out of sorts!"

"Uh..." Can you blame me?  "I admit, I am slightly disoriented.  I wasn't expecthing this."

"Aww, that's okay!  No one does.  But that's what we're here for!  To help get you along you way!" She extends her hand, and  I wonder how someone could be so positive - especially a dead person.  She is dead...right?  "I'm Melanie!  And you are...?"

"Uh...Audrey." 

She may look sweet and delicate, but her handshake is bone-crushing.  "Audrey! What a pretty name!  It's very nice to meet you Audrey!  Is there anything I can help you with?"

So I'm dead, but I can still feel pain.  Wonderful - not.  "Uh...what, er, what is this place, exactly?"

Her smile widens as though I've asked to correct question.  If she glows any brighter, I'll lose my eyesight - if that's even possible here. "I'm glad you've asked.  You are at the Sunshine Coast Subway Station, the main subway station for departed souls that resided in the Lower Mainland before death.  Our fleet of subway trains are here to take you to the Hub, where you will remain for the rest of your stay."

"Stay?"  I give her a puzzled look.  "What do you mean stay?"

"Oh, don't worry, my dear, everything will be explained to you when you get there!  For now, let's get you on a train!  The sooner you get there, the better."

I can only stare at her as she shuffles me toward a nearby platform, where a train sits, awaiting departure.  With one last smile and a strong push, she shoves me into a busy car.  I make my way to an empty seat, still very confused as the automated conductor mumbles about this train going to "the Hub" and something about smoking being prohibited.

I can't believe this.  Is this really what the afterlife is like?