I'm replaying it all in my head, like a movie playing on its own. Every little thing, I cant stop thinking about it. I cant stop thinking of you, and how I hurt you. It was a typical story some what of that, a boy meets a girl he falls for the girl with every possible emotion present. It was an expected story with unexpected characters and a common ending. By now the whole world knows what you meant to me. They know what I've been through to finally get myself in this content state. They know that if it wasn't for you, I'd be a mess. And they're not wrong there. Its been you from the beginning the one who has been saving me from myself, being that anchor i need. No matter how much you can't see it, but everyone else can. I was the best version of myself when I was with you. God, I used to look for the moon on the times we were apart, hoping for some sort of comfort, some sort of reassurance. It's just the beauty of the moon reminds me so much of the beauty of your soul, so much of you. So pure, and so innocent. I still look for the moon, just not for the same reasons. It reminds me that after everything, there's always light after darkness. And that's what you were; the light, in my darkness. What makes me better after a mentally exhausting day. The one who could cheer me up so easily, the one who used to listen to my nonsense and put up with all my bullshit and grumpy self. You were the one that never stopped encouraging me to achieve all that I can. We had the kind of bound I would always read in your magazines and never thought I'd had. It makes me think twice about everything. I appreciate everything now. It made me appreciate you, but I was too late.
December 12 2015
I whispered to you as I rolled over in our bed this was the first and last time I uttered these three words. I whispered I love you, as it were something I said all the time. And you woke up hours later with no memory of it. That was the only time I ever truly expressed how I felt for you when you were asleep. And still alive.
December 15, 2015 2:36 p.m.
I regreted this then, I regret it now.
You saw me with her, someone who met nothing to me as you did. You threw her out and shut the door and with tears in your eyes you said:
"W-why her?"
I couldn't tell her its not what she think it is she came on top of me she started it I just followed and yet I just stared at her. The face of someone I actually love.
"ANSWER ME!!!!!" You demanded and yet I had no answer
" I believed and trusted in you I gave you my all and this is what you do behind my back? Bang your boss's wife? Max all you ever do is hurt me." Those words put a piercing feeling in my chest but she continued " Still nothing? Huh, I see... I knew I should've walked away the second we met." I couldn't keep hearing her words so I just blasted at her " Why don't you just fucking leave then? Huh, If you feel so shitty, and I'm like such a bad guy? No one ever told you to stay much less me." You smacked me and let out a fine but I didn't mean what said but it was too late, you were gone. I called you 178 times until you blocked my number. I'm sorry for everything but its too late now way too late. I should've stopped you I should've have done something it was snowing, why did I let you go. Hannah I'm sorry I couldn't save you from myself.
