Flashlight (Sam Woolf)

Chapter 1- September

That night was nearly three years ago, although it is still fresh in my mind like it occurred yesterday. Nothing has changed since. In fact, the situation has gotten worse. My parents are still heavy drinkers, and my house always reeks of alcohol. The stench doesn't bug me anymore, since I have become accustomed to it. 

Sam moved away to Florida shortly after that night, and we haven't spoken in person since. Sure, we text every once in a while, but it isn't the same. Besides, I doubt he thinks about me nearly as much as I think about him. He is on my mind constantly, and it's a struggle, not having him right here beside me. 

Life just isn't the same, anymore. 

Finding a source of happiness is so difficult. My life has spiralled into a deep, dark hole that is impossible to escape from. Every day, I long for this all to be a dream, and somebody will wake me from this nightmare. 

Keeping me alive and breathing is my passion for music. Writing music is my way of addressing certain issues in my life. It is my version of therapy. My thoughts and feelings can just pour out onto paper, and I like that. 

"You worthless piece of trash! Get the fuck out of my house!" 

My head snapped up at the sound of my mom's roaring voice. It's amazing how both of my parents are still living here. I imagined that one of them would have moved out by now. The arguing carries on, like it always has. I am beginning to think that it will never stop. 

I started intently at my phone, looking at the text I had just sent Sam. He probably won't respond, he hardly does anymore. Like everyone else, he has probably forgotten all about me. It happens with everyone eventually. 

"I'm going out!" I called to my parents, although they could care less. 

Throwing on my worn out army jacket, I headed out the front door. With each step I took, the wooden boards of the porch creaked. But I barely heard it due to the music blasting through my headphones. My muic is playing on a constant loop, and I couldn't help but sing along quietly as I walked down the empty street. 

One song came on, and it brought my attention back to the playlist playing on a constant loop. The peaceful melody of September by Daughtry filled my ears, bringing tears to my eyes. The lyrics perfectly describe my situation with Sam. 

"Of all the things I still remember

Summer's never looked the same

The years go by and time just seems to fly

But the memories remain..."

I passed Sam's house, and a few tears rolled down my cheek. Every time I pass his house, all of the memories we shared flash through my mind. Like the time when we were playing in the sprinkler in his backyard, and I slipped and fell into a giant mud puddle. And instead of helping me, Sam laughed his head off. It's sorta like these lyrics from September:

"In the middle of September, we'd still play out in the rain. Nothing to lose but everything to gain." 

I miss his smile. I miss everything about him. I just miss Sam.

"Why can't you come back..." I said to no one in particular, wiping the stray tears from underneath my eyes.

After staring at the forsaken house, I walked away as quickly as possible. That house meant so much to me as a kid, and it still does. It was the one place where I just felt safe. Nobody would hurt me under that roof, and that protection is now long gone. 

Sam was one of those people who I just felt comfortable around. He had this way of making me happy, and he never failed to make me laugh. With him not around, I feel as if a piece of myself is missing. Sam was my other half, my better half. 

Probably a half hour passed by, and I found myself walking around downtown. Barely anybody is around, considering how cold it is outside. Feeling the cool wind on my face feels to satisfying. 

"Oh, look who it is!" 

I turned, and saw three of the people that I hate the most- Hannah Rileigh, Taylor Miller, and Sophie Peters. My jaw clenched, and I had to hold myself back from punching them in the face. These three girls are complete bitches, always have been. I hate them, and they absolutely hate me. The feeling is mutual. Living with them in my life is basically like living inside the movie Mean Girls. 

"Just... leave me alone." I said, waving them off. 

"Oh, you actually talk?" Hannah said, sass dripping from her voice. "I thought it was your friend who did all the talking." 

Oh that's it. I wanted to turn around and punch her then and there, but something held me back. Sam used to remind me of one little thing about these girls- they are only doing this for attention. I heard his voice in the back of my head, giving me that little reminder. His voice feels so foreign, yet so familiar. Blinking away the tears, I turned to face the three girls.

"Yes, I do talk." I said, complete hate filling my tone. "And you can just fuck off." 

"Ooh, you think you are all cool now, don't you Avery?" Taylor said. "Well, newsflash: nobody likes you. And nobody will ever like you, so stop trying." 

They are only doing it for attention, they are only doing this for attention. It took most of my effort not to burst into tears at Taylor's words. People have been telling me that for years now, and I have pushed it to the back of my mind. Now, the thought is resurfaced. 

Looking between the three girls and my worn-down converse, my words got caught in my throat. Turning sharply on my heel, I ran off as fast as my legs could take me. The tears are now running freely down my cheeks, slowly turning my eyes red. The harsh wind is blowing hard against my whole body, making it difficult to see clearly. My heart is pounding in my ears, and it feels like my stomach is in my throat. 

Taylor was right, however. Nobody will ever like me. I'm just a dirty, emotional-wreck of a person that nobody can handle.

*****

So much time has passed that I have stopped keeping track of the hours. I stopped walking a while ago, and just plopped myself down on a nearby bench. Countless people have passed by, not even giving me a second glance. They are all like me of course, completely normal people. However, they have one thing that I lack.

Happiness.

Everybody on this planet has at least one source of happiness. It's the light in their life, and maybe the only thing keeping them alive. Sam was that person to me, and with that now gone, I feel like there is no life inside of me.  I just feel... dead. And I have been for the full three years since he left. 

Running my hands down my face, I stood up from my slouched position. My body feels numb, and I feel like a dead weight. Rubbing my tired eyes, I forced myself to walk back home. It takes so much effort for me to return home, when there is knowledge in my head that there is arguing going on between my parents. 

The sun is just beginning to set, leaving the normally bright blue sky turn a variety of colors. Blobs of pink, orange and blue are stretched across the sky, like paint splattered on a canvas. I remember when Sam and I used to sit on his front porch, just watching the sun set. I miss that peaceful feeling.

As I was walking, I caught sight of a sign, advertising something that could be a life changer for me. It says that American Idol will be stopping here in Michigan, holding auditions. My eyes went wide, and a small smile broke out across my face. 

This could be the thing that can change my life. And nobody can hold me back from it. 

"Now it all seems so clear, there's nothing left to fear..."