Fangirl In The Maze

Part 4

Y/N P.O.V.

His eyes started to water. Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

I can't believe I did that. Oh my God! I couldn't hurt him. I hated that. But some part of me, deep, deep, down knew that that needed to happen. Some part of me knew that I needed to say that, even if it meant losing Newt as a friend.

But, regardless of what Newt felt about me, I still hated myself. The fact that I hurt him in that way... The fact that I used something so personal....I needed to get through to him. I....I don't know. I should have found some other way. My insides felt numb as I stared at him.

He stood up, a disgusted look on his face. His eyebrows furrowed, his perfect lips pouted. A single tear ran down his cheek, causing my heart to break. All of the color had seemed to drain out of his already pale face. I saw all of the weight that hung on him for the first time. His frame was warped, he seemed to be favoring one leg that much more....

"Newt, I-"

"No," His voice was deep and broken. He looked so old.... Like he had been through so much. He had been through so much. More than anyone should have ever gone through. Authority was still present in his voice....his beautiful, broken voice. It was as if he was shoving a scolding knife deeper and deeper into my chest, cauterizing my heart with every action. His eyes....His eyes were what hurt me. They let me see right through him. They let me see all of the damage that I caused-all of the pain that I brought back.

"Please," I whispered. I felt a hot tear fall down my cheek. I don't even know what I was pleading for. He just couldn't leave. I wouldn't let him leave.

"You can't-You can't....That- You-"

"Newt,"

"No! Stop! Do you have any idea what that was like for me? Do you have any idea how I felt when Alby found me?! Do you have any idea how many times I have gone back to that day and wished-pleaded!- that I had succeeded? NO! YOU! BLOODY! DON'T!"

With out thinking, I stepped forward, lacing my arms around him in an embrace. Newt didn't react. His stance was still weak. He still stood like had two hundred pounds of weight sitting on his shoulders. A tear fell down my cheek, landing on his shoulder. I couldn't hold back my emotions anymore. The moment kept hitting me. My heart throbbed against my lungs. I swear that Newt could feel it. Finally, Newt reacted. My heart broke.

"Who do you think you are?" He spat. His voice was hushed and cold as he stepped away from me. My arms fell limp to my sides.The oxygen seemed to fall out of my lungs. I held my breath as I waited for Newt to speak.

"You're insane. You're bloody insane. You have NO IDEA what it is like." Each word was like a smack to the face. A strand of hair fell into the Brits face.

"I don't know what it's like. You're right. You couldn't be more right. I-I have no idea what you have been through. I can't imagine what you have to deal with. I...I can help. Ill try to help. I want to help. I have enough knowledge of what's wrong.....I don't want you to relive that. I can't believe I said those things. I...hate myself for that. You should hate me, too. I'm sure you already do. You deserve to. Listen. You deserve none of what you've got. I know that you live through hell. I'm so incredibly sorry, Newt...." My voice kept breaking. I kept searching Newts pale face, waiting for something. Finally, he broke. His long, lanky arms wrapped around my waist, holding me close to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, my fingers lacing there way into his hair.

We sank onto the bed. Newt had no structure, anymore. Now, he was a sobbing mess, clinging to my body. I held him, rocking him back and forth. Tears soaked the nape of my neck as he cried. I closed my eyes, holding Newt's frame close to mine.

My mind wandered to memories of my childhood. When I was a little girl, my mother would hold me, just as I held this broken boy. Whenever I was hurt, she would calm me down like this, holding me close to her body. She would rock me back and forth and kiss my forehead, reassuring me that everything was okay.

The thing was, everything was not okay for this poor little boy. He was broken. He had gone through more than anyone should have. He had been a prisoner to W.I.C.K.E.D. He is a prisoner to the Glade. And soon, he would be a prisoner to the flare. I stopped my thoughts there. I couldn't- I wouldn't let myself think about that right now.

"It's okay," I mumbled. I kissed his temple, mumbling soothing words. He closed his eyes, his breath evening.

"You like that?" I whispered, a small smile on my lips.

Newt's eyes fluttered open. They fluttered back closed as he nuzzled into me a little. Newt's eyebrows were furrowed, his face molded into and innocent expression of confusion.

"How do you know all of this...?"

"Later," I whispered. I ran my fingers through his gorgeous locks. His eyes closed once more. I leaned down and pressed my lips to his fore head, once again. He seemed to react positively to the touch. Newt hummed in approval. I broke away from him.

"I'm sorry..." My voice seemed small.

"No. You don't get to be sorry. That- We both know that that need to happen." His voice was reassuring, but I still felt guilty. The blond sat up.

"I'm not mad, okay? Don't be sorry," Newt said, grabbing my hand. I looked longingly at him. I wiped his cheeks, still damp from his tears. His soft skin was like ivory. Gorgeous, I thought. He hugged me, pulling me towards him. I knew that both of us need that.

"You good?" I questioned, pulling away from the embrace.

"I needed that. God, I really need that," He said, looking a little flustered.

"Don't worry," I mused, "I won't tell the other boys about that. I'm all yours,"

Newt rolled his eyes. I winked at him, joining in the light-hearted teasing. Standing up, he stretched his arms, pulling them over his head. His shirt came up just a bit, revealing the tops of his hips.

"Stop staring, love...."

Newt turned to leave.

"Oh my God," I whispered. I buried my head in my hands. A blush had risen to my cheeks. I'm SURE of it. Jumping up from the bed, I scurried after the second-in-command. I closed the door to Newt's-our room.

"I wasn't staring,"

"Yes, you were,"

"You...."

"I...." Newt mocked, turning towards me. A smirk danced on his plump lips. God, what I would do to kiss them. The two of us stopped walking. We had just exited the homestead, the sun was setting.

"You're a shuck-face," I commented half-heartedly. At that moment, not all of my attention was on the lanky kid to my right. It was on the artificial sky. It was....gorgeous. An array of pinks, oranges, and purples scattered across the sky.

"One of the only reassuring things in the glade. You get to look forward to something every day with this," A voice said from my left. My eyes were ripped away from the sky as I looked towards the owner of that voice. Alby stood, staring at the sky. His presence caused me to shrink towards Newt. His pale hand wrapped around my waist, settling protectively on my hip. I shuffle slightly towards Newt, reacting to the touch. I looked up at him, sending a sub-conscious thank you in his direction. Newt nodded looking over to his friend.

"Did you give greenette the tour yet?" Alby asked Newt, a smirk tugging at his lip. I smiled at the leader of the glade, leaning into Newt.

"Yep. We've got a natural born glader on our hands," Newt commented. I heard a tinge of pride in his voice.

I was looking forward to getting to know the glade.