Street Love - Why'd you do it - Part Three
Aaliyah (Three weeks later)
I awoke to the sound of the rain falling against my window pane, it had rained non stop for three days.
I looked around my room, I hadn’t been out of it for a while I wasn’t even sure what day it was anymore. I didn’t know how to feel at this present moment in time, I was so broken, felt like I was just living to die these days.
Every drop of happiness had been taken from me and all I wanted to do was lay in bed, under my covers crying what was left of my heart out, I hated emotional pain there was no medicine that you could take to make it go away like physical pain it was just constantly there eating away at you day after day.
It’s a hollow feeling you get right in your chest, like something has been ripped out of you. Sometimes your so sad you can barely function, the sadness takes over. It becomes so hard to breath like all your problems are suffocating you. It feels like I’m right at the bottom of the sea but instead of water my problems surround me and there is no where out no where to turn I don’t even want to live anymore I feel so broken, so stupid, so confused I’ve been through every emotion in these past few weeks except happiness. Blaming myself even though I know I haven’t done anything wrong replaying the events of that night in my head each time trying to make the ending better than what it was but it’s always the same because I fall back down to reality and the hole is still in my chest, the emptiness is still in the pit of my stomach! And the days go on it turns from day to night and I do the same thing and the same thing and it’s like my life’s on repeat but I can’t press stop and there isn’t a button that allows me to rewind.
Jasmine has tried her best to help me, at first she thought it was about my parents again but after a while she seemed to think that there was more to this story, she had never asked me straight out what she thought it was but she did ask me if it was a guy and I had just broken down and I wasn’t sure how she had taken that.
She asked less questions as time went on and just brought me food, told me I couldn’t stay in here forever and that I needed to go to college.
I hadn’t been to college since it happened, I couldn’t! I couldn’t pretend to be happy anymore when inside I’m torn apart, empty, miserable and lonely.
Why me? I asked everyday when I woke up and realised that it wasn’t a dream. Why my parents? Why my boyfriend? Why me? The same questions spun around in my head constantly.
I hated him the more the days went on, I hated the fact that he was probably still out there getting on with his life and not spearing a thought to me while I was locked up in my room with only memories and a shattered heart crying my days away…
Davontay
If she thought I speared her no thought she was wrong, she was all I could think about, all I wanted.
Did I make the right decision? I asked myself everyday before I went to sleep. Why now? Why me? The same questions spinning around in my mind, haunting me, keeping me awake, stopping me from focusing.
