Dearest Friend,
I am ship on the high seas. The waves crash into my sides, one after the other after the other. I go under the water in small increments, each time i stay under longer and longer. The waves don't have all of the control over my direction of travel. There's a captain, but it's not me. Their identity remains a mystery. They grip my wheel, ripping it from side to side sending me in motion.
The captain lives within me. Within the inner walls of my mind. I try and try to track him down, but every time i get close he runs to the next room to hide. Such cowardly moves from such a controlling being. I try to recognize him as if maybe I've seen him before. On the streets. At school. Anywhere. But I can't see his face. He hides himself away because he knows if i find him, I will kill him.
And so I run in these circles, wearing a pattern in the carpet of my mind trying to catch up with him. The same routine every single day. I try to change things, but I always fall right in step with the routine. It never changes. I fear it never will.
