Finding Cupid

Chapter 6

Alice:

The only way that I could describe how I felt as I got out of the car and stepped onto the driveway was that feeling one gets when they see an old best friend after many years, the kind of best friend you used to be attached to at the hip— pleasantly surprised to see that they have remained nearly the same on the outside, but worried to get closer, take another look, see the toll that the years apart have really taken. It's both a gentle disconnect and a harsh reminder of the way that the two of you are so closely linked that you fear seeing what separation has done. Even though I had been to see my father just a week ago, I rarely went more than two days without visiting him. I was scared of what I might see when I walked through the door; a week may not seem like a substantial period of time but after the deterioration of my father's body in a few short months, I was constantly terrified that his mind would start to dissipate as well. 

My house looked the same on the outside, still the piercing light-grey color that my father claimed was his favorite, but we both knew that it reminded him of my mother's eyes. I had never seen her, so I couldn't know if he was really telling the truth when he said that she had the kind of eyes one couldn't forget, but I know that if they were the odd, light-grey-almost-silver color that mine were, there would be no mistaking us for related, and no mistaking our house for a tribute to a woman who could not even stick around to raise her daughter through infancy. The lawn was only slightly overgrown; with my sister Addy and I away from home, the only one left to cut it was the thirteen-year old neighbor, a gangly boy who would do just about anything for ten dollars. I kicked at the ground, waiting for Eros to get out of the car.

"Alright," I murmured, starting to breathe a little shallower and a little quicker. Eros climbed out of the car and looked at me, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion, but I ignored them. He had no right to know anything about my life, especially not after he nearly kept me from the one person who had been there for me for years of broken hearts. Going home was a relief, a sensation that I relished in. My father was my rock, despite his instability, and not seeing or talking to him for more than a few days was almost too difficult for me to deal with. Despite sounding needy and childish, my father was my best friend. I loved him more than anything. I didn't even notice that I was at the door until Eros reached over and grabbed my arm.

"Do you want me to wait in the car?" His voice was soft, almost tender, but I was too angry at everything to marvel at the fact that he was being kind. I shook my head violently.

"Look, um... Eros, the thing is... my dad... he had a bit of an accident a few years ago... well, it wasn't very pretty and, truth be told, we're lucky he's even alive," I started picking at the skin around my fingernails, a nervous habit I had been meaning to drop but never quite mustered the will power to rid myself of permanently. "And... well... okay, so after the accident, they had to do a lot of MRIs and... they found something that was... well, it's not really important what it was, per say, but.... I think what I'm saying is... God it's been such a long time since I've invited anyone in, but... just... try not to, um, to stare, I guess. If that's okay?" I looked up, meeting Eros' eyes and found myself shocked to see anything but annoyance and vague distaste shimmering in his irises. He didn't have to say anything, he didn't even nod, but I knew that he wasn't going to draw attention to whatever it was that I had been trying to tell him about. He motioned towards the house; gathering myself into something presentable, I rapped on the door.

"It's open!" My stepmother called out. I opened the door slowly, almost reluctantly, and then very quickly, shoving it aside as I nearly ran through the house and into the kitchen. My father was in his wheelchair at the table, watching as my stepmother fumbled around in the cabinets for some chips to dip in the salsa she made. I threw my arms around him, pressing a kiss to his cheek before I buried my head in the corner between his neck and his shoulder.