Finding Cupid

Chapter 16

POV: Alice
​The funny thing about sleeping with a guy is that it's a little bit like playing Russian roulette. Will he be there when I wake up? Will I be forced to take a shower and wash off any reminder that he was ever there? Will he pull me closer and whisper that he loves me? Will he kick me out of his bed and out of his life? For once in my life, I had been under the impression that Eros was a little bit more permanent than everything else. I could have sworn that he would stay with me when I woke up - he had been there for me when I was sick and when I was having a mental breakdown, but when I woke up, Eros's side of the bed was empty. There wasn't even an indentation from where he had been laying, just a crumpled mess of sheets and a note on the pillow with my name on it in his scribbled writing.
​"Shit," I murmured, tugging the sheets closer to my naked body. How could he be gone already? I picked up the note, reading it with bleary eyes.

​Dear Alice,
Last night was wonderful, but there is something I have to do if I ever want to be happy. Something that I have to do alone. I'm sorry for leaving you like this. I promise that when I come back, I will be holding a cure for loving me. Things will be better, and you can live your life without me in it. Thank you.
​I love y I'm sorry.
​~ Eros
​
​"What the hell," I muttered, tearing the note into tiny little pieces and letting the shreds slip through my fingers. And then I let myself cry, tears pouring from my eyes and sobs escaping my lips. "Oh my god," I cried over and over and over again. "Oh my god."
​"Alice?" A soft voice called through my closed door. I knew it was Addy, but I had no desire for human contact, so I ignored her. She was a persistent person, though, so she kept knocking on my door and calling my name. I pressed my fingers to my lips and stifled a scream. He had worked his way into my heart and he was stuck there and it hurt like a knife to the gut. "Alice, I'm coming in."
​"I'm okay, please don't come in," I pleaded, but it was no use. Addy pushed the door open and rushed to my bed, where I was laying with just a thin sheet covering my body. My hair was sticking to my face and my eyes were puffy and swollen from crying but I didn't care anymore. I just wanted Eros back and I couldn't get him.
​"Oh, sweetheart," Addy coed, coaxing me into her arms. That was the best thing about having a sister. She didn't need to say anything. She just had to wrap her arms around me and let me cry until all that came out of me was a hollow noise and no more tears.
​I regretted everything I had done with Eros, even though it had been mind-boggling and earth shattering. I regretted every touch, every kiss, every soft look. I regretted running my fingers through his hair. I regretted pressing soft kisses to his hot skin. I regretted butterfly kisses on my collarbone and letting him call me kouritsi mou and I regretted ever thinking that we could be happy. I regretted letting him take me home and letting him take me. I regretted everything, everything, but I wanted him back oh god I wanted him back. And I didn't even realize I cared about him until he was gone. Why hadn't I said anything? Why hadn't I done anything?
​"He's gone, Addy. He left me and I don't know where he went."

​I spent the rest of the day spooning ice cream out of the carton and crying in bed, wrapped up in an old blanket and a shirt he had left at my house. I felt like a tragic star in a chick flick, but I could not bring myself to care. I just wanted him back, and they always came back in chick flicks. I cried myself to sleep at eight and woke up at three in the morning with a sore throat and a concerned Addy peering over me. I had been screaming. I didn't remember why. The next day was Sunday, so I went to church for the first time in three years and prayed for my father and for myself and I felt like the most selfish person in the world. On Monday, I let myself spend the morning in bed, reading manuscripts and working through email. Then I put on my nicest professional outfit and dragged myself to work. The distraction helped, but I still found him in everything I did. Someone sent in a story about Cupid and I nearly broke down in the office. My office buddy Kailee brought me an ice cream sandwich at lunch because, as she put it, I looked like I was in need of something cold enough to freeze out the rest of the world. I stayed until the cleaning people finished cleaning the office and a kind old man named Ernie asked me if I wanted him to leave the lights on. It was one in the morning.
​It was Wednesday when I finally pulled myself together enough to wake up at six in the morning and go for a run. I pulled on a pair of Nike leggings and a sweatshirt and tried to sweat him out of my bloodstream. New York was an amazing place to go running in the morning. I watched the sun glitter on the Hudson and the coffee shops all open and I remembered that life goes on. It might seem like Eros was gone and therefore so was I, but in reality, the world kept on spinning even when I felt like it would stop. Eros was just another chapter in my life and I would be okay without him. I would move on. I would do something incredible. I would-
​"I'm so sorry!" A kind, familiar voice rang out in the cold morning air. I looked up from my vantage position on the ground and found Mickey, the boy from the party. It took him a moment to recognize me, probably because I looked like a mess, but when he did, he immediately reached a hand down and pulled me up into a hug. "Alice! How are you? I wanted to call you and see if you wanted to grab coffee, but I didn't know your number."
​"Oh, yeah... Sorry, I left before I could give it to you," I mumbled into the tall boys chest. He released me from the hug and motioned for me to run with him. Why not, I shrugged.
​"Yeah, your boyfriend seemed a little possessive," he laughed awkwardly, raising an eyebrow at me. I knew that move - he was hoping I would clarify my relationship status. Unfortunately for both of us, I didn't quite know what my relationship status was, so I couldn't exactly tell him.
​"It's... he's not... Well, it's a complicated situation. But I'm sorry if he was rude to you. He had no right to do that," I apologized. Mickey and I kept up a nice pace in silence until we passed a Starbucks.
​"Hey, want to grab a coffee now? You could tell me about it," he offered. Well, it wasn't like I was cheating on Eros. A part of me felt a little weird about it, but I accepted his invitation. Mickey grabbed my hand and led me into the Starbucks.

​"So, he just left?" Mickey asked incredulously, his wide eyes meeting my teary ones. "That's awful! I'm so sorry. Us guys, we can be such jerks sometimes."
​"It's not like we had established anything concrete," I halfheartedly defended Eros. "It's not like he was my boyfriend or we professed our love for each other or anything. We just... slept together."
​"Still, I can't believe he just left you like that. That's actually awful." Mickey took a sip of his cookies and cream Frappuccino. I had stared at him when he ordered that - it was not even six in the morning and he was drinking something that was basically ice cream - but he had just laughed and told me he was trying to gain weight because he was too skinny. "You should go out and have some amazing revenge sex."
​"Is that an invitation?" I asked warily - Mickey was a sweetheart, but I wasn't ready for that.
​"Oh, no! Friends, Alice. We're friends," he teased. I sighed in relief. "Or maybe you should just go out and get really drunk and then forget about him. That'll make it better, right?"
​"I don't think it works that way, Mickey," I joked. I took a long sip of my coffee with no milk and no sugar - I loved my coffee black because it made me feel like I was getting the full amount of caffeine - and leaned back in my seat. "But I guess it's worth a try."
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A/N:
​Hey guys! I'm really sorry this update isn't very good but I wanted to get it out there so that I can get to the good stuff. I promise next update will be pretty juicy J Get excited, people! Next update will probably be within the next two day because we aren't doing anything in school anymore and it's awesome. So much writing time <3 I'm in love with it. Hope y'all like this!
xxx emily