Decisions

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My heart is in my stomach and throat
Not for fear no I'm absolutely petrified
But for sadness and grief and loss
I've lost my family and my dreams
I lost my life and I drive for it's loss
I am losing my love for who knows how long

... perhaps it's for a year or maybe it's forever
But I can feel the loss of him on my lips that are chapped from bitten kisses
And I ache for the feel of him between my thighs

I'm sick to my stomach and unsure of my choices
Do I do this and leave it all behind?
Or do I stay only to be found to have nothing but my heart in my hands?
My heart is numb and my mind is biased
Everything is conflicting and it all jumbles together

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