Rachel's Book of Shadows

My First Kiss Sucked

My first kiss sucked. No pun intended.

I have horrid anxiety, especially when it comes to intimacy or physical affection with a romantic interest.

You see, I'm not from here. My psychiatrist asked if I was an alien. We laughed, but he was partly serious. Now I'm not so sure what I should have told him. Everyone is like my son, my child, or my sister, my family.

I was born with an apparent mission. To help.

This doesn't make sense, right? If it does, then you're probably just like me. To explain, I'm first going to talk about Jesus. Now, I'm not a God or savior, but my father and I knew the guy. The whole Jesus thing didn't really work long-term. Not everybody is captivated by flashy magnificent miracles.

I guess I could say I'm from here. However, I'm from everywhere. The stars, the sky, the lights you see at night. Your feelings.

Jesus went through some crap. but he had some quite unique abilities, as some people believe. Like I said, the whole God-given miracle thing didn't work out. Humans will never fully believe that someone like that could possibly fully understand such lives of suffering.

This is why I thought my first kiss sucked.

You don't kiss the people you feel you're here to take care of like that. It happened right after I tried to explain who I am to him. Theres one catch- he's a hard ass atheist.

Again, I ain't no god or magical girl. But my intentions and feelings are all the same as one.I'm in love with everybody, which makes it hard to attempt to feel this way about a human.

I remember the beginning, I remember when there was nothing.

I am pure emotional memory. Yet, I can't remember my own.