i throw the butt of my cigarette into the ashtray. i take my time sitting in my car at the break of dawn, enjoying some time to myself. once i'm ready, i exit the vehicle and get into the school. the halls are empty: a pro of arriving an hour early.
i walk down until i get to the back of campus where i know how to access the roof. it's not my fault our custodian never locks the door. i sit down on the edge, pulling out a snack to munch on.
the lightning flashes far away, and then i hear the roar of thunder follow it. it reminds me of the day that isaac passed away. it was pouring rain and lightning struck right outside the hospital. i wasn't sad, however. he had already told me how much he loved me and he said his goodbye. instead of the rain bringing my mood down, it gives me joy from the remembrance.
i wrap the pit of my peach with a napkin and put it back into my bag. when i look up, there's a boy sitting on the top floor of the building across from me. he's staring directly at me and turns away when i catch eyes with him. he then proceeds to walk away. how peculiar. i've never seen him here before, he must be a new student. it's a small town, everyone knows each other.
after some time, the bell rings, signaling the start of my first class of the day: english iv. all the talk about literary works makes me sleepy. i hate myself for falling asleep, but i can't help it. especially since my teacher speaks in such a monotone voice. it sounds like he doesn't want to be here, and quite frankly, neither do i.
tick tock, tick tock. the minutes and soon hours go by. school is out and i head on home in my truck, but as i am walking down the parking lot, my paranoia forces me to turn around and search for anyone that could possibly be staring at me.
far off, i see someone looking, but they walk away too fast for me to see who it is. i sigh, getting into my car. maybe i am just really paranoid.
i fire up the engine and hear a thud in the bed of the car causing me to jolt. through the rear view mirror, jackson is peering at me, his friends all with him. how incredibly annoying. now i'm going to have to give them all a ride home. i just want to go home and sleep, but i can't do that anymore because my needy, arrogant boyfriend wants me to take him and his little buddies home.
i roll down the window and crank neck to face them. jackson plants a sloppy kiss on my lips. i jokingly wipe it off on my sleeve. he laughs, caressing my cheek and giving me a gentle stare with those beautiful ocean eyes. i despise the fact that i can never seem to stay angry with him.
one by one, i take them home, saying lame goodbyes and different variations of "you're welcome." they all hug me before entering their homes. finally, after i drop off derek, jackson climbs to the passenger seat. he rests his hand on my thigh as i drive, making it intensely warm in that spot. we pull up at my house where i decide i'm going to invite him in for a cup of coffee.
"there's a party this saturday. derek is hosting it. everyone's going to be there and i want you to be my date." he grabs a hold of my hand, tapping it against the table. a smile grows on my face.
"just as long as you're there with me the entire time."
***
of course he'd do this. he would leave me sitting alone as soon as we walked in. he went straight to derek, kade, and alex. the almighty group that i will never seem to amount to. whatever, at least one of us is having fun.
julie, the girl i hardly know from my anatomy class, plops herself next to me on the uncomfortable couch. she throws her arm around me, giggling as she attempts to speak coherently.
