jackson called me three times in one day. i never returned any of the calls. i do listen to his voice mails, though. he says we need to talk, to please call him back, but i don't want to. there's no need for me to be talking to the one who i have been wanting to leave since the beginning. it's barely been twelve hours since we broke up and he already wants to get back together.
after all the baby tears that i let slip, i feel enlightened. my heart isn't heavy, my head isn't in the gutter, and there's this beautiful ache in my hands as i long for something new. with jackson absent in my mind at the moment, a new question poses: what is wrong with dylan?
is he causing trouble or is he the one in trouble? something makes me feel as though he's the one in danger. what if someone hurt him? what if an animal attacked him? i should talk to him about it. but would it be strange? what if i'm overreacting? i'm not. he was bleeding.
what if it wasn't his blood?
i shake away those thoughts when logan's voice erupts, "how are you doing today, little one?" he knocks softly before entering my room. i shrug, inhaling a deep breath.
"better," i say.
"i can tell when you're lying. but i can't pry it out of you, i guess," logan says with a laugh. am i really that readable? jackson said the exact same thing. where's my mystery? i should probably work on that.
"you'd be right. i just don't want to talk about it. not yet at least. maybe when i'm ready i'll go crying to my older brother," i say and smile.
"good, i'll be there to listen. i'm going back to michael's apartment, him and i have to do some work together," logan says before exiting my room. i'm proud that logan is in college, but sometimes it's hard when i really want to be around him and he's with his friend, michael.
once i hear logan out of the house and into his car, i quickly grab my phone and head to the window to smoke while i call alex.
he picks up on the third ring, "hey, brin. jackson told us what went down. are you okay?"
"i'm okay." i roll my eyes because a) everyone should know i'm not going to be okay after a breakup and b) jackson probably told everyone already. it hasn't even been a full day. the nerve of him.
"but that's not why i was calling. what you told me about dylan yesterday, did anything else happen? i'm still worried about him," i say.
"look, i'm not trying to get caught up in anything. we have a game coming up and i can't afford any distractions. if he's not causing any trouble, then why should we worry?"
"i'm his friend, alex. i care about him. what if someone is hurting him?" i say. i can hear alex sigh through the other end of the line. i can tell he wants no part of this. i'll have to figure this out on my own.
"brinley, maybe i thought about it too much. it was after practice and i was so exhausted."
"alex, you were the one who told me yesterday that you were worried, how can you change your mind so easily?"
"because thinking about it only makes my head hurt. i don't know... nothing about this is right," he says. he sounds overly tired even through the phone. alex is one of those boys who never catches a break.
"that's exactly why i want to know what's going on. you can't just tell me all of that and expect me not to worry," i say. the smoke i blow out comes back into my room because of the wind. i cough, blowing it away with my hand.
"can we please just forget i ever even mentioned anything?"
"i can't. you know i'm an anxiety-filled mess who overthinks and won't let things go that easily."
