hey, brinley, it's jackson. i know what i said about us, but i don't like where we... left things. i want to talk. call me back, yeah?
brinley, please answer the phone. you might hate me right now but all i want to do is explain a few things. i ended things too abruptly.
hey, i'm calling because i want to hear your voice. even if you don't answer, i like to listen to your voicemail.
i fucked up... i'm such an idiot and i know i mess up a lot, but please call me back. i'm a complete mess right now. i haven't been okay since we broke up, i don't know what to do. call me back.
hey, brinley. i went out with my friends the other day. i saw your name pop up on alex's phone. i didn't know you guys were still talking. i don't know why i felt the need to say that, but i did. bye.
i miss you so much right now. i want you to call me back, but i guess you never will so i'll stop calling.
it's been going on like this for days. i don't know what to do about the messages. i always promised myself we'd still be friends, but i can't stand to look at his face without feeling overwhelmed with sadness and some anger.
i delete the messages. i don't think he deserves my call back. i glance back up at the mirror one more time to make sure my makeup is fine.
homecoming. how fancy or casual should i be? do people usually dress up for these dances? it's only a school dance, but people at my school like to be dramatic. just some makeup is fine. maybe a bit of eye shadow. i grab my pallet and begin applying some orange and peachy colors to my lids. a "sunset look" as i like to call it.
logan behind me sits up on my bed and looks at me through the mirror, when i called him about having a date to homecoming, he came straight away because he said he wanted to see me first. "wow, look at you, all dolled up," he says. i asked him to keep me company while getting ready so i could get his input, but really i have him in here to calm my nerves.
"is this too much? i feel like i should take it off," i say. logan jumps off the bed and bends down to level out with my height.
"it's not too much. you look great," he says before going towards my closet. "which dress is it?"
"the black one, with the lace on top," i say. he gets it out of my closet and sets it on my bed.
i finish the last of my makeup but i continue "touching up" just to keep stalling. part of me regrets having agreed to go with dylan in the first place. but no one can deny his face. why do i do this to myself? i bounce my leg up and down as i see logan sitting on the edge of my bed, waiting for me to be done.
"i know what you're doing!" logan yells.
"what are you talking about?" i ask. he grabs the brush from my hand and pulls me towards the dress.
"put that on already, your date should be here any minute," logan gives me a stern face before immediately smiling.
"i told you already, it's not a date!" i push him out the door.
"but do you want it to be?"
"out!" i shut the door.
the answer to that is a big fat i have no clue. truth is, after that kiss, i wanted to do it again, but it only made me realize that maybe it's not such a good idea to be jumping into something too quickly. dylan showed me he likes me. and if he really wants to get together with me, he'll be willing to wait.
regardless, knowing i'm willing to go straight to dylan after a breakup is a sign that i should slow down. i don't want to start something i might be feeling just because i'm sad. the honey boy doesn't deserve that.
