"what's on your mind?" jackson asks to break the silence.
"too much to say," i respond. "what's on your mind?" i return the question. the soft grass underneath us turned icy cold. my breath becomes a small cloud of mist in front of me. the sound of a nearby stream is the only noise besides jackson's breathing close to my ear.
"you," he responds. i feel his hand slightly brush against mine to which i pull away from him. his head falls sideways to look at me. i don't dare look because i like to avoid his intimidating eyes. they always look beautiful at this hour because the moonlight causes them to grow a glimmer. the crystal blue color turns to the color of the deepest parts of the ocean.
but they also become malicious, a haunting type of beautiful, if you will.
"that's what you always say."
"because that's always what's on my mind," he says. i don't want to believe that. it can be very well be true, but i simply wish it wasn't. another part of me thinks i'm never on his mind, mostly because he always seems distant whenever we're together. maybe that's just me reading too much into it.
i shake my head and resume gazing at the stars as we were doing before he spoke. he sighs and sits up.
"i better go, it's getting late." he stands and assumes that i'm going with him.
"you go on ahead, i want to stay," i say. he shrugs and leaves, crunching small twigs with every step he takes. that's a perfect example of what i mean, he doesn't fight for me. soon enough, he's gone and i have the entire ambience to myself.
whenever i'm not with him, the noises around me intensify and i feel more at ease. i know i should break up him, but he's been here too long for me to let go now. i don't want to break his heart, or mine for that matter.
the moon is at its fullest and the stars are, too. the trees beside me rustle with the cold night breeze. the crickets chirp without disruption. the wind whistles in a tune that i'm all too familiar with. the water continues to trickle and clash along the rocks.
all is calm. the tranquility takes control of my body, leaving me in a state of a bright type of darkness. this is the hour where nyctophilia takes course upon my mood.
each individual star casts its own light, none trying to outshine the other, and they are so brave, shining until we can see them die. i wonder what it's like up there. cold, lonely, and vast. that's what i imagine it to be. of course, i would die from lack of oxygen and the pressure would burst my head, but just imagine it; wouldn't it be amazing to feel weightless? to float without a care in the world, because you're literally not on the world.
i shiver against the midnight air, hugging myself for warmth. finally, i can hear my own heavy breathing. i should probably be leaving, too. i don't want to end up falling asleep here. before i get to stand, behind me, through the trees, i hear something.
i listen intently for another noise. did jackson come back? i squint my eyes, trying to make out any figures, but it's nearly impossible. there's only the shadowy shapes from the trees.
"jackson?" i call out. there's no response. i slowly stand, cautiously making my way to the path that leads to the main road. again, i hear a small crunch, as if someone were walking.
maybe it's an animal. but usually they are deeper within the forest, not near the road. then the noise completely vanishes. i shrug it off, heading to my car so i can drive myself back home.
