I'm Thankful For My Ex

Crossing The Burning Sands

Crossing The Burning Sands

Tony crossed Upsilon Phi Kappa on February 10, 2016. The HPE Complex was filled up to capacity with people that wanted to see who was going to be coming out. It slick was more people at that probate than Fall Commencement! That's none of my business though... Tony was the Tail on the line and his line name was "Prime Konvict". How fitting because I was close to going to jail over him!

After he crossed things started to become different between us. Even that day after the probate was over Tony was acting differently. He barely wanted to hug or take pictures with me and took any chance that he got to break away from me. Having him do that to me really hurt. No lie, I left HPE and went back into my room and cried all night. I thought that through this process of him pledging that he would grow. I thought that he'd grow to understand how much I loved and cared for him. I never wanted make him feel like I was trying to run him. I just wanted the best for him.

The months following it got worse. The UPK's are known as the fraternity that has the most women on the campus that flock to them. Tony tried his best to live up to the stereotype. I heard about all the girls he was getting with. He even paraded them around in my face and I didn't do anything. I lost my fight. I'd been through hell and back with that boy and it finally started to wear on me. No matter what he did though, I still loved him. I still wanted to be with him no matter how much he hurt me.

Even though I lost my fight, it sparked back in me one time I saw him and Lauren together off campus. It was a party at the UPK frat house right off of Carver Street going into Fresno Lane. It was a couple of weeks after the probate Olivia convinced me to come with her to this Clark Atlanta vs. Laketon State basketball afterparty they were throwing. I really didn't want to be there and you could tell. I had a permanent frown on my face and I stood on the wall as Olivia went and had fun. My eyes were on Tony.

I hadn't talked to Tony since he pledged. I'd even see him on campus and he'd walk past me like I didn't exist. He would even return my text or phone calls. I felt like the crazy, stalker girlfriend. I might not have been a stalker, but that boy was driving me crazy! Him and his line brothers cleared a hole through the crowd of people dancing and they started to stroll. It infuriated me to see him with that big grin as he did his moves. It really made me mad when the Phi Lamda's started to stroll in a line behind them and Lauren, who's the ace on the line, smacked him on the butt.

Something snapped in me. I went and pulled her out of the line of her sorority sisters and drug her to the ground by her hair and started punching and kicking her. The other Phi Lamda's tried to jump in but the UPK's held them back. I beat that girl so bad that she started crying when they finally pulled me away from her. One of her sisters hit me in the face and I grabbed her hair and tried my best to pull her towards me. A campus police officer, who pledged UPK back when he was in college, forced me down to the ground and put me in handcuffs.

I thought I was gonna get arrested but, come to find out, Tony talked his frat brother out of arresting me. Oh, so he had enough care in him to prevent me from going to jail but he can't even answer my phone call? What type of sense does that make? That was the last time I talked to him or even saw him. For months, I didn't see him on the yard. Even when I saw the other UPK's I never saw him. It's like God deleted him out of my life. It was needed too. I was able to see where I went wrong. I was able to see how stupid I was. I was able to let out all my pain. Those Phi Lambda girls didn't mess with me either. I would've unleashed all my pain on them!

I cried and told my Mama that I was done with him. We had multiple conversations about this over my time away from him. I told her how it was hard for me to even look at other guys romantically. My perception of guys that were Greek was all messed up. I know that's unfair but I was hurt. I told her how I was so heartbroken that I was even thinking about taking time off of school.

Yet, here we are.

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