Flowers and Broken Hearts

Ocean

[Trigger warning]

Park Jimin, 25, Present day

Jimin used to love the ocean. Being an award-winning swimmer since he was 7 and all, he thought so highly of his upcoming future. But then all that went swooping out the window before he even graduated. All because of her. All because of his own stupidity.

After all, he was young then. Seventeen, for fuck's sake. He was young, he was stupid, he thought that the best solution to his problem was swimming out in the ocean and drowning himself. He thought that by suicide, by killing himself, drowning himself, he wouldn't suffer, he wouldn't feel pain, he wouldn't feel awful, so desperate, so alone. He wouldn't feel so broken. Or shattered.

He would be free.

But now, as he watched the sun setting in the horizon from where he stood on the beach, he wondered. How did it come to this?

Just years ago, he couldn't even glance at the sea. He couldn't even look at the bayside, or at any river at all. Jungkook would have to go around the roads, looking for different ways, just to avoid any lakes. Jimin couldn't even stay long in the bathtub or hear the faucet and shower running without anything on his mind, because if that happens, he would remember. He would remember everything.

And now he stood there by the shore watching the strangers walk by the waves, waiting for the sunset.

All because of Jinhee.

It was only her, Song Jinhee, who managed to break those walls around him. Only her who managed to lead him out, step by step. Only her, and all he did was break her heart.

Why? His thoughts were screaming at him. Why did you do it? Why did you break up with her? Didn't you love her? Why? Why?

Was it the right choice? His mind was a wreck, continuously reminding him of their separation. Was it the best solution? Was it what she wanted, so she wouldn't stay awake at night when she thought he's asleep, crying, suffocating, suffering from all the torture he's giving her? Was it the best choice, to leave her there, so that when she wakes up, she would be the girl she was before, the bright and shining one, and not the one he accidentally molded into by loving? The one who cried and suffered, pained, too tired and too used all because of him, too miserable even for her own being?

His thoughts were jumping in all places but only one thing remained constant: Was it the right choice?

He learned to love himself because of her. He had overcome his fear because of her, his nightmares. Why, he wouldn't even be able to stand here all alone, on the beach, watching all those strangers. But now he could. All because of her. All because he loved her. Because she loved him.

"Hyung," a voice called out, just as the sun started to disappear behind those orange clouds, leaving the sky the color of red and dark orange. He turned, pretending to smile, and Jungkook handed him a red cup. Liquor. "Party's starting."

Jimin stared at the cup, the slowly looked back at the ocean, wondering. And for a second, just a second, he smiled, for real this time. He smiled, all because it felt like Jinhee was right there too, smiling back at him.