Not my Dreamer Boy | [J.T.]

not another idle mind

the yellow haired boy exhaled his last drag of the relaxing cigarette as he slid down the schools brick wall. he never went to class, and didn't care much about school. he didn't see a bright future ahead, just party scenes and billboard dreams.
he sat lonely on the schools roof slowly inhaling the smoke which seemed to make the sounds of the kids below him, along with the stress of reality fade away. he was the well-known kid most people were afraid of. his tough exterior gave the appearance of a spiteful but soft boy who lived a tough life but still manages to walk through the treacherous path life has laid out for him.
he didn't have your ideal family, mom, dad etc. he remembers very distinctly what happened the day his father left, and still blames it on himself no matter how many times his brother told him it wasn't his fault; but he was always getting drunk and bringing some slut home, so everything that came out his alcohol tainted mouth was taken for bullshit.
he took everyone's words for bullshit. nothing ever seemed true to him; everything everyone said just seemed like one person's words paraphrased to sound like something different. life's tough but eventually it'll get better, false. everyone has bad days you just have to find a way to make it good again, impossible. believe in yourself and all your dreams will come true, lie.
he didn't want to come across as a negative person, it just seemed that way because he unlocked all of life's secrets that were kept only for people like him to find. through experience, he learned that not everyone can live or grow up in a happy home with perfectly cut grass and a picket fence. no one is happy all the time, everyone has those moments when they look in the mirror and ask themselves: why?
he wasn't a sociopath or a freak. just a sad boy; and his name was josh.