{McPriceley} (Finished)

Do You Love Him?

(Kevin's POV)

"Goodbye Kevin. I'm going to miss you," Connor said.

"You'll send me letters, won't you? And you can call me anytime," I really meant anytime, I have a feeling I'm going to be spending a lot of time starting at the telephone, just waiting for him to call.

"Kevvy, you know I can't do that."

"What do you mean?" I asked, "Of course you can. This district is shut down, you can do whatever you want."

"Kevin, when I say goodbye, I mean it. I'm not writing any cheesy love letters and I'm not going to call this place ever."

I felt my heart begin to sink, "What do you mean?"

"Don't pretend you don't know what's going on, Kevin. We both knew that when our mission was over, things would go back to normal."

"But.. this is normal. Con our lives for the past two years have been absolutely crazy but crazy became my new normal. You are my new normal and I don't know what I would do without you."

"Well, sometimes things change.. and I believe that this is a change for the better."

"Baby, I don't understand. Did I do something wrong? Where is this all coming from? The Connor McKinley that I know... that I fell in love with.. wouldn't make a big decision like this for no good reason," Connor's serious expression didn't change so I continued talking, "Connor please, baby just tell me what's wrong."

"Stop calling me that," Connor said blandly.

"What?"

"You heard me."

"I thought you liked my nicknames for you. Connor please just tell me what's going on. Why are you doing this? I can't just let the only man I've ever loved leave with no explanation."

"See that's the problem. You're still in love with me.. and I just don't feel the same," Connor spoke blandly with almost no emotion, "I can't force myself to stay with someone I don't love."

I felt my heart sink, my stomach immediately started to ache, and tears welled up in my eyes. I didn't know whether to cry or shout or just pester him with more questions. I know my Connor is in there somewhere.. because certainly isn't him.

He was just so close to me, close enough that I could see each and every one of his freckles, close enough that I couldn't help but gaze into his gorgeous blue eyes. In the midst of all my emotions, I placed my hands on Connor's face and kissed him. It wasn't romantic like I had hoped, I didn't feel the energy that I usually do when I'm with him.

As soon as I pulled away Connor spoke, "What the hell are you doing?"

Connor swearing caught me off guard, "I.. I thought that maybe I could reignite that spark you said you lost. But you.. you didn't kiss me back so.." My voice trailed off.

"I don't love you anymore Kevin. I can't be with you anymore. I'm done sinning. I'm going home and I'm going to get help but I can't be cured if I'm being tempted by you," Connor explained.

"That's what this is about? Baby, I thought you stopped 'turning it off' over a year ago. You don't need to be cured, our love is not a disease and it is not a sin. I love you too much to let you go back to pretending to be someone you're not. Stay here please, just let me help you. I promise this is just a rough patch, we'll get through this together."

"I have hell dreams every single night. My only childhood friend abandoned me when I told him I had feelings for him. My own parents sent me to a straight camp Kevin. You don't know me like you think you do. So much shit has happened to me and I've had enough! Heavenly father is punishing me for having sinful thoughts and for being with you and it's about time I make a change! I'm sorry Kevin. Goodbye."

"Connor!" I shouted in desperation as the door was slammed in my face.

* * *

(Connor's POV)

I sat on the edge of the bed where Kevin was clearly having a hell dream. This was the worst I'd ever seen him. His hair was damp with sweat, and he was crying and talking in his sleep.

Suddenly his eyes shot open and he sat upright, "Connor!" He shouted.

"Kevin, baby I'm right here. I'm right here," I repeated.

I noticed tears sliding down Kevin's cheeks, "Connor," He repeated, his voice wavering.

"It's okay Kevvy, it was just a dream. I'm right here," I wrapped my arms around Kevin, pulling him closer to me, "Breathe, baby just breathe. Do you want some water?"

Kevin shook his head, "I don't want you to leave me. Just.. stay, please."

"Of course, whatever makes you feel better," I tried my best to soothe Kevin, I know how awful hell dreams can be, "I love you."

* * *

Author's Note: This is the first time I'm writing in this book since I saw The Book Of Mormon on Broadway. It's a completely different experience seeing the show live and it was absolutely incredible both times (I saw it on the 16th in seats that my parents had bought tickets for months ahead of time and I saw it again on the 17th because there were standing room tickets that were only like $30.00 per person so we bought them and saw the show again) (I cried both times.. and when I got home.. but it was happy crying so it's all good dude)