Last One Fighting ~ Negan Fanfic

17

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Jo

I stood under the warm spray  and closed my eyes, letting the steam and hot water roll over me. I normally would have considered two showers in two days an unimaginable luxury, but the circumstances were less than ideal. I pressed my forehead against the shower wall and kept my eyes pinched shut so I wouldn't have to watch the blood swirling around the drain.

The clothes had been ruined, again. They were sitting in a pile in the corner of the bathroom, but nothing except my boots were salvageable. I had no idea what I was going to put on once I got out of the shower. I had no possessions, nothing of my own except those ruined clothes and my boots. So rather than face the incredibly embarrassing possibility of being naked, I stayed put, wondering how big of a hot water heater the factory had.

I didn't know what to think about all that had happened. I was still shaky and didn't think that would go away until I slept and ate again. I could think back and remember bits and pieces of what happened, but it was like I was separate from it. Like it had happened to someone else. Certainly not me. Or, not this version of me. Not the me I wanted to be.

I scrubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands. I needed to get myself together. I felt
like I was out of control. My body, my emotions, my reactions. None of it felt like mine anymore. It was like all those months in Woodbury I had been in a haze that I was just starting to wake up from. But I didn't feel like myself anymore, it was like someone else had taken over, and she was a stranger.

Negan confused me too. We had only just met but he had fought beside me, tooth and nail to keep me and his people safe. He had risked his life for me several times in the last few days, but he hardly knew me.

I was embarrassed he had been there when I had fallen apart and even more so that he had been forced to carry me back to my room. I didn't want anyone to see that. I had been through hell, we all knew it. But I didn't want to be broken by it. I didn't want to go around here like I was damaged goods. I wanted more than that. I was more than that.

And yet when I had lost control it had been Negan who had somehow been able to bring me back. Negan who had carried me back to my dorm and had seemed to go out of his way to shield me from the prying eyes of the others. And then he had practically yelled at me for the risks I had taken.

I wasn't sure why I bothered trying to understand him. It just gave me a migraine.

"Jo!" Kate's voice called loudly. There was a pounding akin to thunder as she slammed her fist against the bathroom door.

I pinched my eyes shut, summoning all the control and patience I could. The pounding set my teeth on edge and had my brain starting to spin again.

"Jo?" She called again, louder this time.

I heard the rumble of a male voice and guessed Merle was with her.

She snapped something back at him and then knocked again, louder this time. I pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers. I was positive Merle had told her to wait and now she was being deliberately defiant.

"Yeah!" I finally hollered back at her just to get her to stop. My voice came out sharper than I intended, but I was not in the mood to deal with this. My nerves were raw and I was exhausted.

When the adrenaline had hit, fighting had been the most natural thing in the world. But now I was running on fumes. I was going to pay for pushing myself the way I had when I was already hurt and near exhaustion. What I really needed was sleep. I just didn't know how.