Last One Fighting ~ Negan Fanfic

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Negan

I was so pissed there weren't words. All the ground I had made up with Jo since Merle's death had just been flushed down the toilet. One second, one moment, that's all it took. I hated Dwight for making me do this. I never wanted to kill a bastard more in my entire life but I had laid down the down rules and even I had to follow them. Burning half his face off wasn't enough, not for what he made me lose.

My gut was tied up in knots. She had pulled away from me in fear. I tightened my grip on the iron as I stood over Dwight. I wanted to slam the iron into his chest. When I looked up Jo was staring at my face. Her face was a calm mask, but she was working hard to make sure no one saw how freaked out she really was. I threw the iron away from me. It clattered against the concrete floor and Jo flinched.

I never wanted her to look at me like I was a monster. But it took a monster to run this place and here I was running the place.

I stalked towards the door. The crowd stumbled back, clearing a path for me. I didn't look back. It made me sick to think of her looking at me like everyone else in this damn place did but I had to do what I did to keep everyone safe. I didn't want to see it when she realized it had made me a monster.

I slammed the metal door behind me and it echoed up the cement staircase. I realized belatedly I had just closed her in there with a crowd of people she didn't know or trust. I turned the corner out of sight of everyone and slammed my fist against the cement wall.

"Shit!" I bellowed.

I had done it again. My stupid ass had left her in that damn room again and this time I didn't think she was going to forgive me for it.

I hated myself just a little bit more as I stalked towards my room. Fat Joey opened the door for me and scurried back out of the way.

The smell of smoke and burning flesh had soaked into my hair and clothes. I kicked the door closed behind me and stripped out of my clothes as I walked into the bathroom. I turned the water on as hot as it would go and stepped under the spray. I let the scorching hot water blast against my skin relishing the pain. I deserved to hurt, it helped me remember I was still human.

I heard the door of my room open and close and I turned my whole face into the stream. I couldn't face her. I was too tired to do this tonight. I was too tired to fight with her over the morality of keeping everyone safe. I was too tired to apologize for something I couldn't ever change. It had taken her longer than I thought it would to realize I really was that monster deep down. Just like Lucille had.

One of the things I loved about Jo was how truly good she was despite what she had been forced to become. It was part of what made me so protective of her. That fire in her had always warmed me, reminded me why I did this, but I couldn't do it tonight. Tonight I had been the boogeyman and it scared her just as surely as it scared every one else.

A few moments passed and the bathroom door clicked open and then shut again. With the water streaming in my ears I couldn't hear much else. I was waiting for her to start in on me, lecturing or at least screaming at me, when the shower curtain ruffled and slid open. I swung around in surprise and my mouth dropped open in shock when Jo stepped into the small space behind me.

She was a damn vision, naked and holding a lowball glass of scotch. She took a sip of the amber liquid and I watched her throat move through hooded eyes. This was the last thing I expected and I didn't know what to do or say.