Crazy Fate||Michael Clifford

One.

One’s first experience walking into a psychiatric ward is insane.

That was a joke.

It is different, though. After you’re moved from one ward to another, there’s an obvious change in character. You go from almost empty hallways with a constant buzzing of voices to hallways full of people but almost no sound. Well, no sounds until you walk down the Extremes hall.

I had never been in a hospital before, let alone the psychiatric ward. It wasn’t exactly what I expected. Everyone just shuffled quietly down the hall, heads down, avoiding eye contact, obeying their nurses gentle coaxing. You could tell they just wanted to get out. It didn’t matter if they were better, if they were getting better, if any real progress had been made, they just wanted out. Of all the people I passed, of all the people whose eyes were glued to the ground, only one was able to stand out. He occasionally glanced around; his eyes had no fear like the other patients, only anger, and a touch of determination.  And when he was led past me, he made eye contact and I saw pity, concern, certain protectiveness. And for that moment, I felt no fear. I felt safe.

For the first time in a week, I didn’t feel alone.

                “So please state your name, age, and a fact about you. The point of this is to get to know each other so we can eventually build up to sharing our… situations.” The young councilor, Annie, spoke slowly, a voice almost too calm for our setting. “So who would like to go-”

“Why is this important?” a voice rose up from a few seats to my left in the circle. All eyes turned to the boy from the hall. “All I’m saying is I would rather tell my story anonymously. I would rather have all these people not know who I am and just know why I’m in here than have them feel like they know me.”

“Michael, we all know you.” a girl mumbled from across the circle.

“Yeah, but what about the new people in the room? If I had thought of it then, I would’ve brought it up two days ago.” He argued, those kind eyes narrowing.

“So you don’t want the new kids to know you?”

“No, I don’t want to have to know the new kids only because they were made to tell me. They can tell their story if they want but I don’t want to know them.”

“Well, thank you for your suggestion, but I think we’ll stick with the system we have for now. So who would like to begin?”

“I will.” The same girl who had spoken earlier spoke up. “I’m Sierra. I’m sixteen and I own three cats.” I noticed movement from Michael and looked at him from the corner of my eye. I watched as he copied her movements and mouthed along as she spoke, as if he’d heard this speech before. “Their names are Smokey, Alvin and Moose.” I laughed silently as Michael counted off the cats as he silently named them, mocking her.

“The excuses were easy, weren’t they?” he said and she glared at him. Annie sighed deeply.

“Yet again, Michael, you crossed a line. Please try to restrain yourself in the future.” She said in her honey smooth voice. “I’ll assume that you’re speaking up means you’d like to go next?”

“Nah, I was thinking we could go in a clockwise motion.” he said, tracing the outline of the circle with his finger as he leaned back in his seat. “You know, follow the progression of insanity, the circle of crazy.” He smirked. Annie sighed yet again.

“Very well, let’s move on.” As people shared their information, I couldn’t help but watch Michael. He would occasionally mouth along to people’s facts, roll his eyes as others went, and fidget a lot. He always had to be moving in some way or another. He caught me staring at one point and filled his cheeks with air, blowing it out slowly and steadily, shrugging slightly, as if he were silently trying to explain himself and his excessive boredom. I shrugged back and he smiled. I was broken out of our silent conversation when I heard the girl to my right beginning to introduce herself. I didn’t pay attention, of course, but I waited to hear her end her introduction. When it was my turn, I went simply.

“I’m Spencer. Seventeen. I like music.” I shrugged and I heard a slight laugh from Michael.

“I’m sure you could expand on the topic of music? Like what kind, any favorite bands?” Annie asked hopefully.

“Uh, All Time Low, Mayday Parade, things like that.” I shrugged again and I heard slow clapping. Michael slowly stood from his seat, picking up the pace of his applause. He stopped and held out a hand, gesturing towards me.

“Ladies and gentleman, I give you a person with a real music taste.” He said. Annie repeated her habit of sighing.

“Michael, please take your seat.  I think you’ve made enough of a scene for today.” He mimicked her sigh and sat down.  As the rest of the circle told us about themselves, I spaced out again. I wanted out. Granted, I probably wouldn’t be here long but I was still here and it was still now. I waited until I heard Michael begin to speak.

“I’m Michael. Seventeen-not for long! - and I don’t have three cats. Nor do I have a little sister who I can’t wait to see, nor do I like painting.” And with that he went around the circle, re-stating people’s facts and how they related to his life, which, mostly, they didn’t.  As his eyes landed on me he paused a moment, tugging on his bottom lip with his teeth. “I do, however, like music. A lot. And pretty girls. A lot.” And then he moved on around the circle, stating his blunt opinion on everyone’s likes (“’puppies’? Really? You do know what age group this is, right?”) and finally he reached himself. “And finally, as for the likes of the asshole sitting in this seat, I like hope. And the idea of something better than this.” He looked back at me quickly before looking down to the ground. “I may not have hope, but I like it.”

-

Okay as for the age thing I have this started in the summer of 2013 because I wanted to have them in a children's hospital. They're not there the entire time and there's a significant time jump later in the book so yeah please give me any and all advice or tips or feedback of any kind :-)