Abused in Silence

Confidence gone

His friend was about to go into the navy so they were hanging out before he left. We were all in his kitchen when we decided to go to a club on a Friday night & hang out with all of their friends. I kept asking throughout the week if the plans were still on so that I could call off work on Saturday so I was able to drink & stay out later. The plans kept changing & he started acting like he didn't want me to go so I didn't call off work. He kept making it seem like he didn't know if he'd stay the night or come back home so that there was no way of me being able to go out with them. He ended up going & making me stay at home with his puppy to watch. I had such a bad feeling about the whole situation I ended up going through his computer to find out what was going on. As soon as he left my house he was texting his friends "Let's invite bitches," & he was receiving codes for his tinder he had activated when he left. I decided to look deeper into his messages to find out he had asked his ex for nudes & talked to her about his frustrations with me not having sex with him. His ex even suggested he should rape me & humored her. I told him I saw everything & he continuously called me crazy & ignored me until he came back to my house & acted like nothing happened. His texts went through my head all day & it kept my up at night. I found myself crying in my classed because he'd be fighting me over text & wouldn't let me pay attention in class. This is when my confidence vanished. Something that took months to create gone in a couple of minutes. I found myself apologizing to him because I was scared if I left him I'd never find someone I connected with again.
A few weeks later we went on a triple date to a club, we both were drinking. He & our mutual friend went to the bathroom together & when he came back he didn't dance with me, he just stood in the corner looking mad so I was confused. I asked our friend what was wrong & he told me that he wanted to go find other girls to dance with & our friend wouldn't let him. So I went up to him & told him we were done. He ran out of the club trying to fight our friend so I followed. He was yelling at us & anyone around us. Our friend decided to drive us back to my house because he was making a scene. On our way to the car he threw his phone to the ground & when it broke he blamed me for it. We got to the car while he continued calling me a psychopath & a bitch. After driving for five minutes, he decided he doesn't want to be in the car anymore & makes our friend stop, gets out & runs to a tree & started talking to it. I couldn't help but laugh at this point because I was so confused on how I've ended up here. When I got to my house I collected all of his things because I was completely done with him. He tried forcing me to kiss him, when I was putting his stuff in his car, by shutting the car door on my head to trap me. Once I got out of the car door he started pushing me so our friend got in between us & then he tried fighting him too. Then he heard a train going by my house so he decided to start walking to it to kill himself. I don't know how but I managed to get his keys from him & get him inside my house & into the shower to try & sober him up a little. He ended up punching his head extremely hard a bunch of times during this process. After the shower, I hid his keys & made him get into bed but he wouldn't calm down because I wouldn't tell him where they were. He bit my face really hard to where I started crying & then pulled his fist back like he was going to punch me but then put his fist down. The next morning I woke up to him crying & apologizing to me. We ended up still dating but after this I couldn't trust him, I started hating drinking with him because I was constantly worried he was messaging other girls or that he was going to hurt me & I felt so lowly of myself.