Wild Horses

Handling Grief

*FLASHBACK*

Standing there in the cold and snow, Callie was rigid with no expression on her face. Looking at her, one would think she didn't care or that she had no sadness, yet underneath it all stood a broken girl masked by the reality that she would never see her Grandpa Frank again.

After her father had left them, her grandfather had sort of stepped in as a major role in her life. She had adored her daddy and the devastation of it all left her in disarray. She couldn't understand how someone who loved her could just be gone. At first, the small child had no need for any male figure in her life. She'd cling to her mother but most of all to the small stuffed horse her daddy had given her. And even though she was just 3 years old, she still remembered...she remembered everything clearly. Her daddy's green eyes, his deep voice that made her giggle, his scruffy beard that tickled her face, the way he'd play his guitar and sing her bed time lullaby's.

Then one day when she was 5 years old, her Grandpa Frank had to stay home and watch her as her mother was going on a trip to see about this cattle horse that was afraid of water. She'd be gone overnight and Callie was just starting kindergarten. Needless to say, by the time Stef returned, Callie had a new best friend. Her Grandpa Frank had reached out and stole the little girls heart, and most of all, he taught her to ride.

"Cals, we need to go, my love. People will be heading to the house for dinner," her mother slid her hand over her daughters stone-cold face, tipping her chin. "I promise to bring you back tomorrow, sweetheart, yes?"

That's when a glimmer of a tear formed in the teens eyes but quickly disappeared as she nodded her response. "Ok."

Sliding her hand into her daughter's, the pair walked in silence through the dusting of snow on the hard earth beneath their cowboy boots. The wind was beginning to pick up, yet Callie didn't seem to notice for she had been ice cold since last week when Frank had toppled over in the barn. She didn't think she would ever be warm again even if the summer heat came. She just knew that life would remain frozen in place as she couldn't imagine a life without her best friend.

*FLASHBACK ENDS*

*STEF*

"Thank you, Mike. I will let you know if I hear anything, ok?" I sit in the kitchen, frustrated beyond belief, my head leaning on my hand as I end the call with my cousin. After taking Lena's call earlier, I had excused myself from the meeting and driven home as fast as I possibly could. Something wasn't right, and I had an idea that Lena was blaming herself. But I wouldn't blame her or anyone, for that matter. If anything, I blame myself for not seeing she was miserable.

Running my hands through my short hair I hang up the phone and sigh deeply. "Love, I wish I knew what to say. Maybe I should've moved out to the guest house again as soon as I got my cast off. Moved slower with you..." I look up into Lena's sad eyes as she says all of this to me.

"No. Don't go there. I'm her mother and should've seen signs. But how could I have known? She looked me in the eyes, Lena, and lied to me!" My voice cracks as I quickly brush a tear away.

"I don't know what to say...." Lena looks lost and I'm sure I look no better as I pull her in my arms and we cling to each other. My body shakes as she tries to comfort me with her gentle hands. "Shhhhhh, love....I'm here. I promise I'm not leaving you."

"Just hold me," I whisper shakily. I'm falling apart especially after finding the note I found on Callie's dresser when I searched her room. Those words are haunting me even now as we sit here and wait for the police to arrive to come up with some kind of plan on what we should do next.

I feel Lena pull back and wipe my tears with her soft fingers. "Baby, I'm not leaving. We'll find your baby together." Her eyes search mine hoping to find reassurance I don't blame her. I nod as I wipe my own eyes and stand. Pulling the letter out of my back pocket, I hand it to her.

"You should read this. You won't think I blame you anymore. Callie's issues ran deeper than me and you," my voice cracks again as I head towards the door. "I'm gonna go start the nightly routine while we wait for Officer Tompkins. Try to relax, ok? I...I have to keep myself busy..." she nods as she also stands and walks quickly towards me.

"My love," that's all she says as she cups my cheeks and softly brushes her lips over mine, and for one split second all is right in my world. When she pulls back and I leave, the deep ache returns breaking my heart in two.

*LENA*

As soon as Stef leaves the house, I sink back onto the kitchen chair where I was currently sitting. Sighing, I open the letter Callie had written the night before. My mind didn't understand why she would leave but leave a note behind. Does she wish to be found? Does she think for one second Stef wouldn't come looking for her? Even I saw the devotion Stef had for her daughter, and I saw the extreme protectiveness Callie had for her mother.

Taking a deep breath, I open the letter and begin to read:

Dear Mom,
Ever since Grandpa Frank left us, there has been this giant hole in my soul. I knew you were grieving and I didn't want to burden you with my own sadness. But I never forgot my daddy. I always wanted to know why he left me. Why was it so easy for him to walk away from me, his only daughter? I know you didn't love him like you love Lena. I remember how you would fight with Daddy and how you look at Lena. You do belong together. I just don't want her to take Daddy's place. Grandpa Frank took his place kind of and now he's dead. You look too happy, and it seems everyone who ever was there for me, dies or leaves. So, Lena can replace me, and you two can be happy together. I will always love you, Mom.
Your Girl,
Cals

Tears are streaming down my face now, and I can hardly breathe, I'm crying so hard. This girl is in pain and has been for years. She's so young still to completely understand she isn't the reason for these life happenings. My heart is breaking into pieces as I realize my tears are running over the words; so, I quickly fold the letter and put it back in the envelope before it's not legible anymore.

I stand as I quickly dry my tears and grab my hat before running to the barn to help Stef. I would be here for her and show her how much I have grown to love not only her but also her baby girl. I also have an idea where Callie may have gone. Something in that letter struck a chore with me, and made realize, her issues ran all the way back to when her father left. Callie was in search of her dad, Russell Carver.