All About Camillus

Chapter 3 Section 4: What's With Mavryk?

Okay, firstly, what wrong with the name?

Yeah, it's pronounced as Maverick, but why are there missing letters? Go figure, ask his parents maybe. (BTW, his parents are really nice people. No joke. Not sarcastic)

I just don't understand, why such kind parents can have such a rude child?

I bet his parents do not even know how rude and sarcastic he is in school. Because he act like a goody-two-shoes at home. Normal.

Or maybe it's "normal", considering the fact that he is such a weird person.

Alright, now you will ask me "Why did you befriend him in the first place?"

Well, only God knows why. Even I don't know. Just kidding. I know why. I like to phrase it this way, "One year ago, I thought I could change him. Nope, he changed me instead."

I befriended him because I hope that he would feel that someone will be there, other than his parents, to hope that he will become a better person. But, I was wrong. I guess company isn't what he needs.

He wants entertainment. Out of the expanse of others.

I know, I rarely use the bold, but there was seriously alot of bolding here and there. (Till this point, I have not used a single vulgarity / singlish)

It was really a mistake pulling him into my life, especially when I was so blinded by my efforts of changing him for the better. And I guess, a poison is forever a poison. Everyone around me told me, "Stop hanging out with Mavryk, he is hurting you..." Even Mrs Ng actually pulled me out of class to tell me that (Not joking). But I still didn't realise back then.

If you say me and Mavryk are friends, you are partially correct. If you say me and Mavryk were friends, you are also partially correct. Relationships are confusing, isn't it? Yes. Our friendship is one that breaks, then connect, then breaks, and connect again. I would like to call our relationship "Parasitism", where one benefits and one is harmed.

Sorry if this chapter sounded really serious and boring... I really can't help it.

He was the one that was benefited. And I was the one that was harmed.

He really uses others as an entertainment tool. Even though you are "friends" with him, he will still roast you. Right in your face. And thinking that I could change him, I entered this inferno.

This mental inferno.

I was destroying myself all the while. For almost the whole 2017. My time burnt away, and my confidence burnt away. It was like me being pushed down into a deeper abyss. Or even, uselessly finding that end to the abyss, where I could end this life of mine. It was like me succumbing to depression and being unable to crawl out.

This was when every mistake in the past haunted me.

This was when every mistake in the past blinded me, even further.

(If you think I am playing pity party, I'm sorry, but please get out of my life)

I really need to mention the amount of harm that he inflicted on me all this while. It isn't physical harm, but emotional harm. Just by hanging out with him and listening to all his negativity and roasts, it gradually brings you into a state of self-destruction. After this state of self-destruction leads you to be blinded even further, and you make even more mistakes.

In the end, you enter a state of worthlessness, where you are blinded to the extent that you could not see anything good about yourself anymore. That you brain only absorbs all the negativity, and lingers there.

Yes, that's me.

And at that state, with the burden of grades due to streaming year, I broke down. Just like the MRT.

I broke down because I completely lost sight.

I broke down because I completely lost sight to everything, and anything.

Now, this is 50% of the reason why I kept on crying during End-Of-Year Exams period. And yes, that have been a really dark section of my life, where I was struggling between the will to live on, and the will to get good grades.

I apologise if I ruined your mood somehow.