Signing Love (#Wattys 2018)

Chapter 7

Two weeks later

Sami POV

It's been a about two weeks now. About two weeks of being in hell. I haven't been talking to anyone since the past two weeks. I've been very distant lately.

I have been humiliated in class several times. In lunch, in most of my classes, in the library, and when I go home. I get random texts from people I don't know. It's ridiculous how many people know about this. I get so many of them, I get scared. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking of everything that's happened.

I just wish that I could move to a different school, and have a new start, but I don't want to make Mom or Dad concerned about my situation. Mom has been concerned about me ever since I was born. And Dad, ever since he started being my Dad, which was for more than twelve years. They don't need to be concerned about me anymore. It's been enough. I could be independent, right?

I even stopped talking to Nathan. Even though he's that one overprotective brother who cares about you a lot, I didn't want him to feel like he is the brother of the slut of the school. I wanted his reputation to live on, as a good kid. I would do anything to make my brother happy. Even if it means that I won't be able to be close to him in school.

Being the new girl, and after two months, people are creating rumors about you that aren't even true sounds terrifying. I never wished that this would happen. But at the same time, fate was never on my side in the first place. I just wished that God favored me instead of all those real sluts and whores out there. I mean, sure. They get all the cute guys, but they are happy with what they get. Me, it's the total opposite. I can't live being humiliated everywhere I go. I just want life to make a U-turn, and be good. I want all those fun memories to come back.

I have been praying to God ever since I was little. I have been helping people all my life. When I was younger, I heard a saying: If you help the ones in need, it's like you're helping God himself. If that's the case, why hasn't anything happen? Why no fireworks one day, and my life getting better the next?

No one in this world knows how I feel right now. No one in this world knows how it feels to not have fate on their side for their whole life. I feel lonely. Whenever I feel sad, I would cry on Nathan's shoulder, and he would try to make me feel better. But now, I don't want anything. I don't want Nathan, Noah, Mom, or Dad. Or even the small child that Mom is pregnant with. I don't care about anything in the world, except for me. At least for now.

I closed my eyes temporarily to let all the bad thoughts get out of my head. I cringed as a shiver crawled up my spine. Even though I was wearing a black hoodie, sitting at a table by the sun, I still felt cold and lonely, thinking of my position right now. I knew that nothing would help to stop this.

I let out a shaky sigh, and blinking my tears away. I didn't want to cry here, in the library, and seem like a pathetic weakling. I didn't want people to think that I was weak and pathetic.

Well do you want people to think that you are a strong and confident slut and whore? I thought at the back of my head.

Of course, I don't want that either. To be honest, I would rather be lonely and invisible than having people pick on me every single day. Like this, I wouldn't think that anyone would want to leave me alone right now.

I placed the book I was reading back in its shelf, and I sneaked out of the library. Step by step, I slowly trudged to my class. There was clearly gloom in my face, and tears that were about fall as people stared and whispered among themselves about me. I gulped down the lump in my throat, and I looked down at my feet as I walked. I picked up my pace not wanting to stay in the hallways, but at the same time, I didn't want to go to class.