Did It Have To Be You?

I Went About As Far As I Could Go

Stevie paced the kitchen, coffee in hand. Alex had called upwards of a million times by now, begging her to come back. He had promised to make changes in his line up if she would just reconsider. The phone rang again and Robin picked it up. Stevie already knew who it was and she shook her head.

Robin covered the mouth piece. "Stevie, answer this damn phone now. I am not a secretary." she whispered fiercely. She knew her friend was being stubborn. It had been almost a week.

"No" Stevie said defiantly.

"Fine" Robin gave her a wicked smile and she knew her friend was up to something. Robin uncovered the mouth piece, speaking to the caller in an overly sweet manner. "Alex, Stevie said she's so sorry about her behavior." Stevie put her coffee down on the nearest surface, her mouth agape. "As an apology, she asked me to invite you here for dinner tonight. Are you free?" Robin waited a moment for his response. "Wonderful! You remember the address don't you? Great. See you around 6." Robin hung up the phone and Stevie's eyes narrowed.

"You little--"

"What? You are acting like a child. He obviously thinks you're talented enough that you're worth the trouble. I'm your friend so I'm starting to think otherwise." Stevie softened a little. "I know that you weren't expecting to see him again but it happened and it has to be dealt with. Don't throw away an opportunity like this because of some guy. You've done that before and if you do it again, he wins."

"I wouldn't say moving back to Phoenix was throwing my life away."

"It wasn't. You did what you had to do but now it's your turn to shine. He's in your band. You are the writer, you are the singer. He has to do whatever you say and play things the way you want them to be played." Robin told her.

"You can be pretty persuasive...if only you would use your powers for good and not evil." Stevie cracked a smile and Robin swatted at her, chuckling.

"I'm sorry but how else would I fix this? He would just keep calling and you would just keep stalling."

"You're starting to talk like a Croce song."

"Then I guess that means you've finally driven me crazy."

"No, it means it's time for breakfast." Stevie said. "Let me make it this morning."

"Sure, I'll get Summer."

"Thank you." Stevie went into the kitchen and began getting out ingredients. She smiled, seeing her pajamas clad daughter stumbling into the kitchen rubbing her eyes. Her golden curls were mussed up from sleep, one leg of her pajamas up, the other down. "Good morning, starshine." The tired little girl hugged her mother's legs.

"Morning, mommy" she said softly.

"Did you sleep well, sweetheart?"

"Mm-hmm. Can I help?" Summer asked.

"Are you sure you're not still sleepy?" Stevie asked and Summer shook her head.

"Alright, baby." Stevie lifted her up onto the counter, brushing her hair from her face. "You're going to be in charge of the chocolate chips then."

The girl suddenly perked up. "Really?"

"Yep!"

"I'm the chocolate chip queen!" she declared and Stevie giggled.

"That, you are"

----

After breakfast, Robin headed off to work while Summer played in her room. It was quiet so Stevie decided to write. The sun warmed her skin as she sat on the porch, legs curled beneath her on the swing. The front door was open so she could keep an ear out for her daughter. She breeze was soft and it proved to be the perfect atmosphere to spark a little creativity.

Slipped into the denseness of my emptiness
I let teardrops fall
I let him go
Stepped into the canyons of my loneliness
And I went about as far as I could go

And even as I searched for you, I knew
That even if I found you, you'd be so cold
Even when I found you now, baby I knew
That I had gone about as far as I could go

And if don't love me now
You will never love me again
I can still hear you saying
You would never break the chain
I can still hear you saying
That if you don't love me now
You won't love me again

Stevie put her pen down in the inner margin of her journal, thinking she heard Summer. She started to get up when a car pulled in front of the house. She had only seen it once before. Shiny, black, expensive...she frowned, seeing who it was. The man walked carefully up the path to the porch, stopping short.

"Stevie, I thought maybe we could talk."

"There's nothing to talk about. Get in your car and go, just like last time."

The man looked down at the pavers beneath his feet. He really didn't want to leave. "No" he said, looking back up at her.

"I don't want you here. This is where I live and you have no right to show up unannounced." Stevie stood up, challenging him. She looked back inside the house, hearing a small voice calling her name.

Before she could stop it from happening, Summer was already in the doorway, her cheek pressed to the frame. "Can you play with me, mommy?"

Stevie looked from the little girl to the curly haired man in front of her, both of them waiting for a response. The two people in Stevie's life who were never supposed to meet, were now looking each other in the eye. The words of her journal spilled into reality and the bittersweet irony of the encounter was not lost on the writer.

I don't mean to beg
But I don't know what else to say
If you meant what you said
You'd have been here yesterday
I won't watch you go, no
And I won't even try
There you go down the road
But don't look to me to say goodbye

And if don't love me now
You will never love me again
I can still hear you saying
You would never break the chain...