𝙙𝙖𝙙𝙙𝙮 𝙞𝙨𝙨𝙪𝙚𝙨 | 𝙨𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙚

05;trying

I plop down on my cold seat. First periods the worst. While the teacher is talking about something all I can think about is my stupid mind. I'm still madly in love with Sadie. She sprained one of my wrist. And yet I'm still in love with her. And I hate myself for it. Worse my mom is homophobic. She hates gays. She believes that they where a sin to the world. I on the other hand am one. I've guess I've known for awhile but I never faced it. My dad. He left when I was 2, he never came back. I waited. I waited next to our door for 1 year everyday when I came home from school. But he never came. Tears well in my eyes. To keep from crying in the middle of class. I raise my hand high trying to catch the teachers attention. "Yes miss brown" she raises and eyebrow. "May I go to the bathroom?" I ask tears still threatening to fall. She notices and her face that was laced with annoyance is now replaced with pitty. "Sure" she smiles sweetly , I hear people whisper 'probably going to watch lesbian porn' 'fag has feelings' 'gross' 'she should drown herself in the toilet water' I run out of the room heading towards the bathroom. I go into a stall and cry. My knees up to my chest. Rocking back and forth. Tears streaming down my face. I hate myself. My mom will hate me. Sadie hates me. Everyone in school hates me. My dad left because of me. I'm not worth living or being here. I'm worthless. Gay.

Pulling myself to my bag I reach down to get a blade. Slightly bringing it to my good wrist I take a deep breath. I slide is across my good wrist seeing the blood come from my arm. The pain fades and it turns into relief. Tears come down harder I'm now sobbing in the school bathroom blood coming from my wrist. I'm lying in the floor about to do another cut, when someone barges in. I quickly put away the blade backing up against the wall. My bloody wrist now touching my shirt. Ruining it. I sob silently. "Millie" I hear a light voice come in my stall. Guess I didn't lock it. "Millie oh my god" I feel hands touch my shoulders. I look up to meet Sadie. Tears in her eyes. I can't help but hug her back. In that moment I needed someone and that someone was her. She kisses my head slowly "are you ok?" She ask. I wipe my tears away, forgetting about my wrist. She gasp snatching my wrist into her hands examining it. I hiss with pain from the new cuts.

"Millie" she almost cry's out " was this from me?" She ask. I snatch it away getting my stuff "it's from everyone" say anger in my voice. She pulls me back before I could open the door. She locks the bathroom door. "I'm not letting you leave this bathroom all bloody" I nod letting her take me to the counter she boost me up standing between my legs. She grabs a paper towel running it under water. She wipes my cut I wince in pain. "I'm so sorry for everything I have done to you" She cry's looking down. Once she cleans me up throwing the paper into the trash. She looks at me pitty in her eyes. She grabs my bag taking out the razor. I look down in embarrassment. "You won't be needing this" she said wrapping it in the paper towel so if someone does look in the trash they won't notice. She throws it away looking at me. She cups my cheeks kissing me. I've been needing this.

The world fades away I'm just thinking about her and her lips. She pulls away a slight whimper leave my lips. She chuckles. "I'm in love with you Millie brown" she says a smiles grows as big as it can I kiss her longer this time pulling away "i love you Sadie sink"