boys texting each other | jikook

20: desire

Jimin POV

• It seemed as if I was just making a lame-ass excuse to agree with Jungkook, because I was oh-so in love with him, but that was only half the part. I also hated Jungkook's guts for everything, and was angry for my stupid feelings about him. But Jungkook also apologized, even though it was my fault for not telling him about being gay.

It's my fault. All my fault.

In that moment, when Jungkook explained, I realised it was all my fault. I shouldn't have been the one to blame, to accuse the boy for dumb things that I thought were reasonable.

All my fault. All my fault.

So I agreed, pretending to hate him. And I did make up the lame-ass excuse that was far from the truth.

All my fault. All my fault.

The pit in my stomach resumed, worse than before. It was all my fault. For being gay, for being like this. Why was I like this? I shouldn't be like this.

But I already agreed.

There was no turning back.

Maybe, deep in my heart,

I wanted this.
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The knock at the door sent butterflies into my stomach in a fantastic second. I knew who was here, and I loved him. I wanted to punch him, to yell at him, to cry, to hurt myself, but you when I opened the door, I hugged him instead. His scent was familiar, and his muscles were tense, surprised at my action, but then they relaxed. My face in his shoulder, eyes clenched, afraid to let the tears spill. His breath. The moment was soft and calm, but everything I felt inside was still there. Maybe I just didn't understand.

When I pulled back, I looked at his beautiful brown eyes and let it all out. I shuddered, sobbed, and tried to explain everything.

"Jimin," his voice sounded gently.

I lifted my head from my hands.

"I can't understand a single word you said through those tears, but I know they meant something."

I laughed, and began crying softly again.

Then, unexpectedly, he lifted my chin up, like some kdrama bullshit, and looked at me hard in the face. "I don't know what I feel anymore, Jimin. I'm sorry."

I shook my head. "I should be sorry. So fucking sorry. For lying, for being a coward. I don't know why you... have these, um, emotions."

He smiled genuinely, but then his eyes went back to sad, and he pulled back. "You're not a coward. If anything, you're amazing."

"Jungkook—"

"I don't know what I am anymore." Tear welled up in hid eyes, threatening to fall, taunting him. "I don't know what to feel. I should've come before everything happened to you—"

"No."

"Eh?"

A smirk danced across my lips, trying to ignore my pounding heart. "T-tell me what you feel right now."

"U-um," Jungkook stuttered as he noticed me getting closer. "I-I don't know..."

The tears were dry on my cheeks now, just a memory. "Are you s-sure?" I raised a brow. "You aren't speaking very clearly...~"

Now he was on my bed, me towering over him. "F-fine.."

"You know what you feel?~"

"Y-yes..."

I leaned in close and closer still, right until my mouth brushed against his lips, saying: "Tell me pretty boy."

"I-it's..."

"Desire."
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• 🐀 ur welcome ;)