The Basement

Chapter 3

I'm typing this in Ninth grade Lit class. I should be doing work. But I hate writing. You know why. Two days ago I had in-school-suspension. ISS. It's the worst. The instructor took my phone when I walked in and made me sit in the room with nothing to do and no one to talk to for SEVEN hours. The whole school day. I didn't eat that day. I couldn't…

But today is different. Today is better. Or so I thought. Tristan and Payton text and talk all the time. And they have a LOT of chemistry. They can't help but smile when they look at each other...I want that. I want that badly. But I don't wanna interfere with them...It's not my place. So I let them go off together. I let them be happy. They hold hands in the hallways at school...I trail behind them...they don't wanna be seen with stupid old me. I get it. They are the real couple. They are forever. I'm just temporary. They get mad when I tell them this though. They get mad when I explain how I feel. So I don't bring it up anymore. If I keep quiet then there won't be arguments. But there still are. They can tell I'm keeping things from them. I tell them I'm fine but they know I'm lying. I just want them to love me as much as I love them...as much as they love each other. They say they do, but...It's a lie. They just say that. You can't fix a problem with a lie. I think they're ashamed of me. They don't introduce me to their friends or teachers...They are affectionate with each other in public but not with me...it makes me sad. They don't kiss me in the halls anymore...They kiss each other. I might be coming across as petty and jealous and self centered. I assure you I am. I'm selfish and horrible. I don't deserve them. I don't deserve anything. Sometimes I still see the bad things. Like Father and The basement. I got drunk last night. And I saw them and I couldn't help but tell Payton. I thought it would be ok and that he could help but Father just got mad that I told him. He made me sleep in the basement where it's cold and dark. It's terrible. I feel like I'm going crazy. Everyone says it's a hallucination and it's not real. But I hear see and feel everything so clearly...I don't know what's real anymore. Father shows up at school now. One second I'm with Payton and Tristan in the halls at school, and the next second I'm in the basement and Payton and Tristan are nowhere to be found. I was terrified. It's getting worse. I can tell. I can't tell the difference between what is real anymore. It won't be long until the real is gone altogether. I don't wanna say anything. I can't. I'm too scared of what they'll do and say...
I'm always scared.