Monotone

Monotone [9]

Chapter nine -

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7:56am - Saturday - Carter's house

It's been 20 minute since me and Carter hugged. I didn't do anything, I stood there like a completely idiot. Now I'm sitting on the couch. Their couch, as in Carter and Kai's couch, and the two of them are across from me on another couch. Carter looks upset while Kai looks mad. I wonder if Kai heard my yelling.

"So?" I say, trying to break the tension between us.

"Listen, I'm not one to judge on other people's decisions but you made a pretty stupid one, don't ya think?" Kai breathes, but this isn't what I need right now.

"No you listen because I'm not going to say it again, I never asked for either of your help. So whatever you do is your choice, like trying to help me. What is my choice is going out to get completely wasted, I knew what I was doing and I will do it again. I have my own problems and I don't give a damn what happens while I'm out of it. So don't you dare try to lecture my on this." I stated calmly and forcefully, outting emphasis on certain words. They look stunned as to what I just said, like they can't find the right words to say.

"Do I make myself clear?" I ask sternly, kind of like a mother. They nod in agreeance.

"Now you guys may be the only people I ever tell this to, because I don't let anyone in my life. No friends, no family. But if you want to be a part of it so bad than so be it, I'm not stopping you but I can't promise it's the most fun you'll ever have." I hold my head up to see their reactions, they both have blank expressions on their faces. I look away before I can see the rest of their reactions.

"I'm glad" one says, obviously Kai. Carter grunts at this, I turn to look at his torn expression.

"If you don't want me in your life that's fine, I don't want to be around you if you genuinely don't want me around." He says, his voice slightly cracking. I look at Kai, he looks completely confused.

"Carter.. you hugged me, am I right?" I ask, waiting his answer.

"Yes" he groans out.

"If you were anyone else, I would have pushed you away, I even pushed Kai away." I state, his eyes widen at this and then glaced at Kai's jealous expression.

"What" he ask completely shocked.

"It's not like I hugged you back, I just stood there" I state.

"You- let him hug you and not me? What makes him so much better than me?!" He starts raising his voice in frustration. I stand up.

"Because he understands what it's like." I say sternly.

"What what's like?" He asks.

"To feel empty." I say. He looks down in shame. I sit back down on the couch.

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