Have You Ever Felt Worthless?

Chapter One

Percy's POV

     I sighed in relief as the front door clicked behind me. Gabe hadn't woken up, which was always a good sign. I was going to get a harsher beating later for sneaking out, but at the moment I didn't care. I just needed to get out of the tiny, run down, smelly apartment; and far from it. I drew my worn out black sweatshirt closer to me, shuddering as I shouldered my bag. It was only four in the morning, still dark out, on a Saturday morning.

        I shuddered again and looked back at the apartment. I resisted the urge to spit on it, to ruin Gabe's Camaro, just to feel the satisfaction. But I knew it would result in more pain later, with no gain. I shuddered once again and felt my sweatshirt pocket, making sure I had my medication on me. Once positive I had everything for my day out, I stepped off of the porch. The frozen grass crunched under my feet as I began to walk to walk to the cemetery.

         Some cars drove by, going to work or coming home from late-night parties. I just walked on the side of the road towards the cemetery. I pulled my hoodie close to my face and exhaled a deep breath, making the misty breath float up into the air. I shoved my hands into my pockets, fingering my medicines. Gabe warned me that he wasn't getting any more, so I need to preserve these, but I figured I'll probably have to take them if I'm by myself in the cemetery.

       I continued to walk down the road for a good twenty minutes until I got to the cemetery. I sighed and pushed the rust iron gates open, which opened with a large creak. I ran my hands along the rusted iron slowly and sadly before heading over to one of the only graves in the small, pathetic cemetery. There were only 13 graves here. That's because you have to do everything yourself, including dig. Half-dug graves were everywhere, crumbling tombstones. I walked over to the grave I was here for. My mom, Sally Jackson.

        I dropped to my knees in front of her grave. "Hey mom..." I whispered, brushing my fingers against the dirty, crumbling tombstones. "I'm sorry I haven't visited in a while... I've been busy with Gabe..."

     I sighed and dropped my gaze. I could feel my eyes tearing up already, so I slung my bag off of my shoulder and unzipped the pouch. I pulled out some blue roses. "I know we always loved blue... Remember our joke?" I sniffed once, smiling sadly. "Gabe said there was no such thing as blue food, remember? So we made everything blue..."

     I felt tears rolling down my face and my lower lip quivered. "I'm sorry, mom... I'm sorry I couldn't help you... That I didn't know he was... I didn't know that.." I wasn't able to continue as I broke down into violent sobs.

     I heard the soft sound of a car pulling up to the cemetery, but I didn't care. I continued to cry, sitting on my legs and folding my arms across my chest until I felt a soft hand on my shoulder, making me flinch. I looked up and was immediately confused. It was Annabeth Chase, one of the people in the group of popular people. She was looking down at me with pity. "Are you okay?" She whispered, kneeling down besides me, examining my moms grave. "Who's this?"

      I took a deep breath, trying to slow down my crying. "I-It's muh-m-my muh-m-m-mom." I stuttered, then cursed myself for it. Every time I stuttered with Gabe I got a firm slap across the face.

     She looked over at me with obvious surprise. "Your... Mom? How... How did she die?" she asked. I flinched again as she rest a hand on my shoulder.

      I didn't answer, but knew a panic attack or something worse was going to happen, so I pulled my medication out of my pocket. I shakily attempted to pull the top off of the first bottle, failing. Annabeth reached over and took it from my hands gently, opening it. She put one in my shaky palm and read the bottle while I pulled out the second bottle. I managed to get this one open and dumped two small, round pills into my palm. I pulled out one last bottle, once again not able to open it. She opened it for me, dumping one in my palm and taking all the bottles. I raised my hand shakily to my mouth, tossing them in. I cringed at the taste before swallowing. "PTSD? Anxiety and Depression? ADHD and Dyslexia?" She asked, reading the bottles. I nodded weakly and took them back, counting how many I had left in each bottle. Three for the PTSD, the Anxiety and Depression pills I had six doses left, and the  ADHD and Dyslexia I had more than enough.

      I took a shaky breath, trying to control my breathing as I shoved the bottles back in my pocket. "Are you okay?" She repeated. I nodded a sweet lie.

       "W-why are you h-here?" I asked. She frowned.

        "My friend committed Suicide." She stood and walked over to a slightly nicer looking grave. "Luke Castellan. No one knew he was suicidal... He just took his medication into the school bathroom, and didn't come back out."

        "I'm s-s-sorry." I whispered. I took a blue rose from my mom's bouquet and stood, walking over to the grave. "Here." I handed her the rose and she looked momentarily startled.

        "Those are for your mom though..." She protested. I just shook my head.

        "I've b-brought her a-a-a l-lot of f-f-flowers and b-blue food. She w-would want me to g-g-give one to you." I whispered. She hesitantly took it, smiling at me. She laid it down on the grave, smiling sadly.

       "Blue food?" She questioned. I nodded.

       "M-My S-S-Step d-dad, G-Gabe s-said that t-there was no s-such thing as blue f-food. So m-my mom m-made all of o-our food b-blue." I explained, my stutter getting worse the more I talk.

        She frowned, then stood. "I ought to be going, my friend is waiting for me." she said, jabbing her thumb in the direction of a silver Camaro. "Sorry for your loss."

       "A-as f-for y-y-yours." I stuttered. Four slaps right there, in a three word sentence. She smiled sadly at me and began to walk off.

       Then stopped and looked back. "I didn't catch your name."

       "I d-didn't throw it." Only one slap. That's good. My medication must be kicking in.

        She smirked. "I'll figure out your name, trust me." with that, she got into the Camaro. The car sped off and Annabeth waved out the window.

         I smiled to myself and looked back at my moms grave. "I love you, mom." I walked out of the cemetery and back to my home of hell.

        As soon as I opened the door I was met by a snarl. "Where have you been, boy?"

Authors Note

       I know, I know, ANOTHER story, but bear with me here okay? I was super mega inspired to write on of these, one that doesn't go really, really fast. Like, I tried to write one of these a while back and I can't think of a good chapter three because the story went by to fast. Like, I have NO clue what to do with it. Anyway, this story will go my slowly and with as few cliffhangers as possible (Just kidding. LadyNightlight loves cliffhangers, don't you my friend? *Smiles smugly*)

        Anyway, hope you enjoyed! ~Amber