BBS one-shots

Why? (Delirious x reader)

(This is gonna be a sad one, sorry guys, I just have the mood.)

I sat there wondering why I even try. I was always put down, I only had one person who kept me going. But he doesn't know, no one does, he makes me happy for a little while, he makes me laugh when other's can't. My family thinks I'm a screw up, so I've been living with Jonathan. I want to tell him, but I'm afraid that he'll run, that he'll leave me, like many others when I needed help. I can't get rid of all of the thoughts racing through my mind, telling me that I'm not worth it, that no one loves you, but I stay strong for Jon. because I don't want to break my promise, to break him.

I don't let it show in public, straight A's never late, I only harm myself when Jon is asleep, he can't hear my sobs as I cut the pain away. As I draw pictures on my skin with a blade. I always wear a sweater, to cover up the evidence that I hope no one see's or they will leave me like my family. As a kid people told me to smile, that kids my age shouldn't be sad, or depressed, they should be care free, when really, I was never really happy. They either didn't see it, or chose to ignore me, to let me be because they thought I would grow out of it. I haven't and never will.

I was walking with Jon as he held my hand like usual, we weren't together, he always did that to make me feel safe. We arrived home from school, now we had Christmas break. We sat on the couch and  watched T.V for a while, till it became dark and Jon headed off to bed. I waited for an hour or so in the darkness and the silence. I went to the bathroom and grabbed a razor and sat on the floor, I needed it. I cut into my skin as I thought of all the things my schoolmates have told me, to go kill myself, you'll never be loved, why do you even try, I can't wait till they announce you dead, less of my problems. They do this everyday, everytime I'm away from Jon, and I want to tell him all of it, but I can't. I'm to scared. I silently sob as I go the whole night slowly cutting my skin, I clean up the bathroom and take the razor to my room. I stuff it in a drawer and throw on a sweater to cover up my scars, just in case Jon wants to try to wake me up. I fall into another dreamless sleep.

I wake up to Jon shaking me.

"Whaaat do you waaant?" I groaned, it came out more choked as my throat ached from crying last night, Jon suddenly looked concerned, he climbed on top of me and sat there. He then grabbed my hands and put them above my head, I hope my sleeves don't slide down.

"What's wrong." He inquired, more of a demand If I say do. I look at his chest and then back to his face.

"Nothing." I mumbled. He came real close to my face and inspected me. He didn't seem convinced so he continued to sit there. He then looked to my neck and back to me.

"TELL. ME. WHAT'S. WRONG." He said in a demanding voice. I shook my head.

"I SAID NOTHING. I'M FINE! Why do you gotta act like a dad sometimes." He smirked, oh no here it comes, his little joke to play with me.

"You mean daddy?"  I somehow always blush when he says that. He then lets go of me and hugs me tightly, I hug him back, he climbs off of me.

"Now get your ass up and eat some puncakes (Y/N)." He said exiting my room. I smiled and followed him downstairs, I sat at the table and started to eat my puncakes.

"Thank you Jon." I said smiling, he nodded and smiled back with a mouth full of puncakes.

"mfou wefm" he tried to say, I laughed a bit as he gulped his food down. I wanted to be with him, like actually be his, but sadly, I don't think that'll happen, he isn't interested. I looked down at the remains pushing it to Jon, who gave me a strange look.

"I'm full." I said getting up and face planting on the couch. I closed my eyes as I heard him coming in my direction, next thing I knew, he was sitting right on top of me.

"Jooooon." I groaned.

"(YYYY/NNNN)." He mimicked me, he layed down on he and hugged me and sighed.

"(Y/N), please tell me what's wrong, I'm not blind you know." He said turning me around so I was facing him, he rest his head on my chest, I exhaled debating if I should tell him. I chose to, I need help, silent tears slowly started falling down my face as I pulled up one of my sleeves, putting it into his view.

I felt him stop breathing, he sat bolt up right with tears in his eyes, he grabbed my other wrist to see the same results, I looked away from him still crying. He plunged his face into my neck and hugged me tightly.

"WHY. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO YOURSELF. I LOVE YOU TO MUCH TO SEE YOU HURT YOURSELF!" He screamed into my neck, I froze, he said he, loved me? I pulled him away and looked straight into his face.

"You-you love me?" I asked hoping I heard right, he nodded as he continued crying, he leaned down and kissed me.

"I've always loved you (Y/N), I just didn't know if you felt the same, I should have known, you should have told me." He said giving me another kiss, he pulled my wrists to his mouth and gently kissed them. By now, our faces were covered in streaming tears.

"I've loved you for so long Jon, but I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to hurt you." I said looking away again, he scooped me up and put me on top of him. I put my face in the crook of his neck, he kissed the top of my head.

"Please don't do that to yourself, I can't stand to know that you were hurting yourself and I couldn't help." He gently said petting my head.

"I'm sorry, I won't do it again, I promise, I promise." I whispered as I came up for a kiss.