Holding on (Vampire Diaries~Enzo)

Prologue

But I'm only human. And I bleed when I fall down. I'm only human. And I crash and I break down. Your words in my head, knifes in my heart. You built me up and then I fall apart. Cause I'm only human.

- Christina Perri

It feels like I'm falling, without being able to move a muscle. My limbs are gone somehow and my thoughts are trapped inside me. I want to scream as the fear takes over, but I have no mouth and no voice to shout with. I keep falling, falling into oblivion and I wonder if I'm dying.

Maybe I will 'wake' up at the Other Side, cursed to watch the people I love grieving and then going on with their lives while I can't be a part of it anymore. That would be if there was someone who I cared about out there. Everyone I've ever loved is long gone. So I would be cursed to have no one to worry about. Stuck in an in between world where I'm doomed to scream and no one will hear, no one will care. Not able to find peace and pass on, no there is no such thing as peace for creatures like me. We'll be punished for our actions, even though most of us didn't choose to live like this. I didn't. But I'll be punished anyway. Maybe I even deserve it, I don't know. Maybe I'll find out soon.

I should be afraid of that death, but somehow, I'm not. I don't even remember how I died, if I really died.

Suddenly, I am afraid. Not of dying, but because of the fact I think I'm not dying. There is still no body for my thoughts and instead of trying to find my limbs, my muscles and my voice, I try to remember what happened that I feel like this. I try but it seems like what ever happened has also damaged my brain. I list the things I know in my head -I'm pretty sure I still have my head.

I'm not dead.

I don't know where I am.

I don't know what happened.

Maybe I'll still die.

Okay so my list is 75 percent is don't knows instead of knows so I stop trying. I begin to feel tired though I'm not even sure I'm awake. I give in to the fogginess in my head. The last thing I think is that I half hope I'll die. That dying like this wouldn't be that bad. It would be just like falling asleep.

And well, no one will miss me when I'm gone.

Maybe it is better this way.

Goodbye...