Holding on (Vampire Diaries~Enzo)

Chapter 12: Mine

~ Mine ~

4 July 1950 ~ Ruby

 

Over a month has passed since Enzo and I came to the conclusion we were falling in love with each other. We didn’t say it like that, but we both know that’s what our words actually meant. We still haven’t said it to be honest, but I think we are both not ready to admit something so big.

When you say those three little words that apart from each other sound so meaningless, everything changes.

The words I love you and even the three words you and I are so strong they can either mend a relationship or destroy it.

My fear to get hurt is still there and lingering within my chest every time I think of New Year’s Eve, but I ignore it the best I can.

I’m in love with Enzo and though I can’t tell him myself, I don’t want to ignore the feeling.

Apart from that we don’t actually say the words ‘I love you’ we sure act like we do.

Maybe another thing that makes our situation hard is that I still have to pretend to like Mathew. The worst is that I’m believable. Every time Mathew comes down here and hands me the cup – he really hands it to me now while he still puts it on the ground with the others – Enzo tenses up; biting his tongue, hands clenched to fists and a mask of no emotion on his face. Though every time, I’m blown away by the anger he feel towards both Mathew and himself. He hates himself that he forced me to flirt with Mathew when he still hated me.

Ones, when Mathew brushed his finger faintly over my hand after handing me my blood, Enzo almost lost it. Our skin had hardly even connected and I didn’t feel anything, nothing compared to what I feel when Enzo touches me, and I pulled my hand away. Not that fast that it would indicate I didn’t like Mathew, but also not so slow it would indicate that I did. I had to warn Enzo with our telepathic bond not to screw it up.

Enzo! Calm down.

He is falling in love with you. Enzo had said and it even sounded like he was hissing through his teeth in my head. I wish I could say that I’m surprised to hear that, but I know how to read peoples behavior. I’ve seen the way Mathew has been looking at me, how his eyes skim from my lips back to my eyes and how his smile grows just a little too wide when he hands me my dinner.

If his father only knew. I thought vaguely, but when I felt a rush of anger from Enzo’s part of the bond, I remembered I was reassuring him. This is what we want remember? We want him to help us.

Do whatever you need to do. Enzo answered with a cold voice that would sound totally sexy if I didn’t feel him slipping through my fingers again. As if he did it on autopilot, his wall had been appearing around him, slowly rising from the ground around him. I couldn’t get through this again! My heart started pounding within my chest, but I couldn’t let my panic attack show, since Mathew was still there and in order for our plan to succeed he can’t have any knowledge of our relationship.

Enzo! No! Fight it! Enzo, sweetheart, don’t shut me out again. You need to calm down!

I yelled the words at him in my mind and as I glanced at him one second, I saw that every word hit him good, like every word had been yelled at him through a microphone. I saw him flinch slightly at the word ‘sweetheart’ and then it seemed like the wall started to crumble down as he started to resist the urge of shutting me out.

He must have spend so much time shutting people out and living within the safe haven of his walls that can protect him from pain. This way he doesn’t have to shut of his emotion even though he could’ve as well. I don’t think there is much of a difference.