Chapter 7: Shut Out

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~ Shut Out ~

19 April 1950 ~ Ruby

 

He completely shut me out.

Just like that. He has put up this wall, not like before to hide just his little emotions, but a permanent one.

When I felt what he was doing and when I heard his cold voice, my heart froze.

You don’t know the entire story! I screamed at him in my head, not being able to say it out loud with Damon still eagerly trying to figure out what is going on. I screamed, crying inside.

I don’t disgust myself because of you. I disgust myself because it is wrong for me! It feels like betraying Eric! You don’t know about Eric. Please Enzo… Don’t shut me out.

 It is no use, the wall is way too massive and Enzo’s faked detachment makes me feel like he is a thousand miles away, not able to hear me scream.

It is almost like I am on the Other Side.

My heart is bleeding, but I can’t let it show. I try to project my feelings on him as hard as I can, carefully making sure just to project it on him. I have gotten pretty good at controlling my feelings and my powers. But nothing works. Realization hits me and a lump forms in my throat. Though I know he won’t hear – doesn’t want to hear – I try one more time, because I have to.

Please...

This all happened in a few seconds and when Enzo turns away from me, showing me his cold hatred, I hear Dr. Whitmore approaching, ready to take one of us.

It won’t be Damon, he is still too strong. After a short panic attack, I realize it won’t be me either. I was the last one to be tortured.

I know it is Enzo’s turn. And that is worse.

Now I will have to listen to Enzo’s screams knowing he won’t take my hand when it is over. Knowing he won’t even look at my worried face, knowing he won’t say anything to me.

I almost start to cry, but I have to… I have to do something, but I can’t remember and suddenly it doesn’t seem that important. Nothing matters anymore.

It has just been a week and I already screwed it up.

When Dr. Whitmore starts walking down the stairs, I remember what used to be so important.

My promise. My staring competition with the doctor.

I can pull myself together just in time before the devil in disguise enters the dull light lighting the cells.

As suspected, the man walks straight to Enzo’s cage, who is now directing all his anger at Whitmore and I almost flinch knowing his anger was originally meant for me. Even if I would have flinched, Whitmore wouldn’t have noticed.

As the doctor injects him with Vervain, Enzo’s body is totally tensed. He is a different person. He doesn’t look back to reassure me as he did before. Instead, he totally ignores my presence. Not only my presence, but also Damon’s. If I think it is unfair he doesn’t want to listen to my story, it is definitely unfair from him to ignore Damon who has no experience here.

No weeping now Ruby. Be strong. Be strong for Damon. Don’t be selfish now.

But before I have even finished the thought in my head, I know I will never succeed. I feel utterly weak, angry and completely worn out. And the day has just started.

When I hear the door close between Damon and me and Enzo, my knees give in and I try to make it look like I just let myself fall on the ground so I won’t hurt my pride. I think I do a pretty good job.

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